Susan's POV
by Lady Saffron of Xybria
Summary: It immediately takes place after the Pevensies return to England at the train station. Susan muses about her thoughts, feels shame, regret, & above all -longing for the new king. Her past as Queen Susan collides with the present Susan of England.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok, while I'm waiting for the videos from Youtube to download, I saw this fanfic that a person made, and there was an accompanying music video for it. Ok, for me, it was a nice idea. I'm not dismissing it or anything, but… let's just say I could write my own version of it._

_So, let us internalize…_

_Susan Pevensie, her point of view after they left Narnia… and a big WHAT IF scene if Prince Caspian ever blew her horn and she fulfilled her "You might need to call me again," promise._

_Here goes!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Chronicles of Narnia. C. S. Lewis' creations. I own this story line. Thank you!**

*****

England, 1941.

"Aren't you coming, Phyllis?"

That voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and the gray, bleak train station filled my vision. Where was I? Enough sense was able to tell me that if I didn't get on the train soon, I'd be late for something. Late for what? I'd figure that out later.

Grabbing our bags, Peter, Edmund, Lucy, and I got on the train.

"I left my new torch in Narnia!"

I turned to Edmund. Narnia… weren't we just there a few seconds ago? The name brought a laugh to my lips. I looked at my brothers and sister, each of us exchanging looks, a secret smile shared between the four of us.

For the rest of the train ride, which I assumed was toward home to Mother, I tried to ignore the boy behind me, who kept nudging me and calling me Phyllis.

"Why's he calling you Phyllis?" whispered Lucy as she tugged on my uniform sleeve.

"That's the name I gave him. I don't want him calling me by my real name, he might stalk me," I whispered back. Too many times in the past have I seen lust in men's eyes whenever they came to Cair Paravel to court for my hand in marriage.

The past?

The past of Queen Susan the Gentle in the Kingdom of Narnia.

Or would that be the future Susan of London, England?

"Are you alright?" asked Peter when he saw I was rubbing my temples.

"Uh, yes," I answered. "Just a bit tipped off from the…travel," I chose my words carefully. I was glad when Edmund said our stop was next. I wanted to get away from the boy, and get back my orientation.

"Look, uh," I turned to the boy with spectacles.

"It's Charles," he supplemented, a wide grin on his face.

"Charles," I smiled out of courtesy. "It was nice meeting you. Good bye," and I grabbed my bags. Just before the train doors slid shut, I could hear him.

"See you on Monday!" he called.

"Looks like you found a friend," teased Lucy. I threw her a dark look. She and I went to the same secondary and finishing school, and she saw that I liked to keep to myself. It wasn't that I was anti-social. I just preferred to be left alone.

Making our way to a cab, we said our address to the driver. The road trip home was a quiet one, each of us lost in our thoughts. For some reason I knew tonight we would gather before the fireplace after Mother would finish with dinner and climb upstairs to her room to listen to the radio. Father still hadn't come home from the war, and Mother listened anxiously for updates on the warfront.

Once inside our room, I looked at our beds and nightstand. I placed my bag next to my study table and began to undress into my house dress. Pulling my hair up into a high pony tail, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I saw myself, but in my reflection, I saw Susan as a woman, as the skilled archer, as the High Queen of Narnia.

I felt shame boil in the pit of my stomach. How I had missed Narnia!

During the day we had been swept into Narnia again, I reflected what I had been thinking that morning during school hours. I had already accepted that Narnia was a place in my past, it was a place that yes, though I had dearly loved, and had been a beautiful queen, it was a place that we weren't going back to.

How long was I to wait for Aslan's call again?

Feeling the smooth ebony of my bow and the feather-light touch of my arrows made me feel I had found a part of me that I had lost. Memories of my hours of training and our numerous adventures while we were Narnian Royals surged through my mind as I lifted my prized possessions from the golden casket that had hidden them for 1300 Narnian years.

I lied down on top of my comforter, staring at the ceiling. My mind was still spinning. Was there such a thing as jet lag when traveling between worlds?

Mother noticed we were unusually quiet during dinner, but she didn't pry. After clearing the table, she went upstairs and the four of us sat before the fireplace.

"Do you remember, we would sit before the fireplace to meet when we were in Cair Paravel?" asked Lucy, settling herself next to Peter and leaning her head on his arm.

"Where we would make decisions about trade, treaties, and expeditions," mused Edmund.

"I remember," smiled Peter, his eyes staring at the flames.

"I'd forgotten," I confessed. They all looked at me. I sat down on the carpet next to Edmund. I cleared my throat to explain myself. "I had already accepted that we weren't returning to Narnia, even though for the past year I was fighting myself with the idea. I wanted to go back, but a louder voice was telling me not to believe it Narnia anymore. It was gone from us."

Peter shook his head. "Susan, trying to be smart, as usual."

"No," I defended myself. "I was trying to be realistic. And I guess I grew out of believing in Narnia."

"Su, I'm older than you, but I never stopped believing that we would return to Narnia," said Peter.

"Pete," I cut in. "Don't you get it? It's over. Both of us aren't returning there, Aslan said so himself."

"That's because you don't believe in Narnia anymore, Su," said Lucy. "I believed we would return, all of us," she emphasized.

"Yes, well," I looked away. "Some people grow up." I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I never let them see me cry, but this time, I couldn't stop. An uncontrollable shudder raced through me as a sob escaped my mouth.

"Su!" Lucy was at my side at once. She turned my face gently with her hand.

"Lucy, I did believe in Narnia, deep down, I did. I wanted to return so badly I… and then we did return…" the sobs racked through me. "I…but I thought if I continued to believe, I would remain a child forever… but being back there, I didn't feel a child at all…"

I was blubbering, I knew. I wasn't sure if I made sense, but everything was pouring out, for the first time, I was letting myself be vulnerable, letting my brothers and sister see the child that wanted to cry out her thoughts, after being suppressed by the voice of sensible Susan.

"I want to go back… I want to go back…" I repeatedly whispered into Lucy's hair as she stroked my back. I dared not look at Peter or Edmund, for I guessed that their faces were lit with surprise and probably uncertainty as I opened up my feelings to them.

A few weeks had passed since the teary confession before the fireplace. Charles continued to pester me during the train rides. Lucy was ever by my side when time and schedule permitted. Peter and Edmund, though didn't speak about the incident, always had a hug or a comforting squeeze of hand to give me.

What gnawed at my thoughts, besides Narnia and wondering if Aslan would change his edict about me not returning to Narnia ever again, was of a man.

A king, actually.

He was my match in every way I could think of. We both thirsted for adventure. We both had strong obligations to the throne. And… he always seemed to be there at the most dire of situations, even when I didn't ask for his help, he would give it freely, and somehow, I found it difficult to resist.

Caspian.

When Peter and Edmund would be watching the television, or Lucy would be on the telephone with a classmate, I would sneak outback to the garden and sit by the pond, staring at my reflection. I did this every night for the next year, hoping, wishing. I guess in a sense I hoped that this would barter for the year I had "abandoned" Narnia in both my thoughts and in my heart.

Lost in my thoughts of Narnia, I didn't hear Peter, Edmund, and Lucy walk up behind me. But when they spoke, I wasn't startled. I actually welcomed their company.

"Pensive Pevensie," teased Edmund.

"I've been thinking much about Narnia," I admitted. I turned to them. "And not just because I know we are the rightful rulers there, but…"

"Caspian," finished Lucy. I looked up at my siblings and nodded.

"I love him."

Silence enveloped us. I knew my declaration was something they didn't expect, but they knew of the feeling. They all saw me run back into his arms and kiss him the day we left for our world.

"Children! Dinner!" called Mother.

We all began to make our way back to the house when we heard a swishing, swirling echo from behind us. We all turned and saw a yellow light radiating from the depths of the tiny pond. All four of us stood around the pool, wondering where the glow was coming from.

"Ow! Stop pulling!" shouted Edmund at Peter.

"I didn't touch you!" he shouted back, the rustling waters suddenly picked up to a near-deafening hiss of surging liquid.

"It's…" Lucy's eyes widened and a smile across her face. She looked deeper into the pool and looked up at all of us.

"Hold hands!" I grabbed Edmund's and Lucy's while Peter grabbed their other hands. Like an enormous vacuum, the waters of the pond surged up into a funnel and consumed the four of us, the pinching sensation all over our bodies intensified as a night-time England evaporated from our sight. Replacing it was a bright, high-noon sun behind glimmering emerald trees. The ground underfoot was forest floor, and a soft babbling river was somewhere to our left.

We let go of our hands, and looked around us.

"Do you think…?" Edmund let the question hang in the air. All four of us stood still. If this was indeed Narnia... how many years had passed in this world?

"Wait, do you hear that?" Peter turned his head toward the right. We looked at where he was staring it.

"Voices," whispered Lucy, "People talking."

"And a crackling fire," said Edmund.

"And lunch," I whiffed the air.

"We didn't have dinner," Edmund rubbed his stomach.

"Mother!" remembered Lucy.

"Don't worry, Lu, what years in Narnia are milliseconds in England," I assured her.

"Trying to be smart again, Su?" said Peter, raising his brows.

"No, I was just stating what Ed said the last time we were here, Your Highness," I mocked a curtsey to him. As we laughed, we saw Lucy making her way to the noise.

"Lu, no!" I tried to grab her hand, but she was already sprinting toward the encampment.

"They could be –" began Edmund.

"—dangerous," finished Peter.

"It's alright!" called Lucy over her shoulder as she broke through the tree line. Too late for hiding, Peter, Edmund and I ran after her, standing behind her ready to fight if the situation needed it.

"Telmarines," said Edmund, recognizing the armor designs. The men around the camp all turned toward us. Surprisingly, there were Narnian centaurs and talking animals among the men. The garble of talk soon died when all the men saw us.

There was an approaching crowd of other men, six at least, with three centaurs. They came into the camp, still talking, then noticed that the others were silent and staring. The leader of the crowd turned to where they looked, and his eyes widened with shocked amazement.

"High King Peter! King Edmund! Queen Lucy! And…" his eyes turned last on me. "High Queen Susan," he knelt on the ground as he addressed me. The rest of his men and soldiers too bowed before us, but I didn't see them. My eyes were fixed on the man who first knelt before us.

"King Caspian," I breathed, wondering if I was indeed dreaming, for I had dreamt of this moment before.

_*****_


	2. Chapter 2

_Lady Saffron: Before beginning this chappie, I would love to give a hearty shout-out to FantasticalMisticalWonder, bex149, and FlyFly for commenting and giving their views. Very much appreciated! This is my first story and first time to publish anything here, and it's an absolute honor (and ultimate high!) for having people comment on this. Please, be honest, brutal, and critique (in courteous and NICE ways please) about this fic. I appreciate hearing them. Also a happy shout-out to those who did read this fic. Thank you, thank you! I won't be able to write for a week or so. Exams and oral revalidas are coming by the beginning of March, so I have to "do battle" with those. But yep, after those, let the fingers do the storytelling! Thank you, once again. _

_**Disclaimer**: C. S. Lewis provided the playground and lego-land toys. I merely played among them. I also got a quote from The Patriot starry Mel Gibson._

_God bless!_

**Chapter 2:**

It was dinner time. Edmund was at the king's table, discussing tactics on how to mobilize armies that would soon march toward the north. Peter was giving his views on when he had encountered the Ettinsmoor Giants during his time. Lucy was seated at the head of a small semicircle of fauns and cheetahs, recounting the story of how we had first entered Narnia through the magic wardrobe.

I chose to stay inside the tent assigned to me and Lucy. The one of the king's soldiers brought in the food, and I nodded my thanks to him. As he left, I savored the solitude that was given to me while I absentmindedly picked at the plate.

Earlier that "day" when we were still in England, Mother and Father had been discussing about a planned travel to the United States. I hadn't meant to eavesdrop but the information garnered was enough to inform me that I was going to be included in the trip. Peter would continue on his medical studies with Professor Kirk. Edmund and Lucy would be staying with our relatives, the Scrubbs. My heart fell; I detested the Scrubbs. It was almost impossible to see how we could even be blood related.

My fears were this: I had "decided" to grow up, but in doing so, Narnia became lost to me. I had deluded myself in believing I was a grown up, preoccupying my foremost thoughts with nylons, lipsticks, rouges, and the latest French couture. After all, isn't that girls my age fretted over?

But now, knowing that I was back in Narnia, perhaps I didn't want to grow up anymore. Would this decision allow me to stay here? To reverse Aslan's edict?

My thoughts reeled back toward the Golden Years of Narnia. I had been a beautiful High Queen, skilled, and sought-after. My love for adventure was whetted every time an invader or threat fell on Narnia's doorstep. I was forever ready with my faithful bow and arrows.

I thirsted for that now. I wanted to feel the adrenaline rush of terror mixed with excitement as I would put my arrow on the string of my bow, quiet, exact, precise. How the hours of training always left me exhausted yet exhilarated.

"Aim small, miss small."

Restlessness overtook me as I walked out of the tent, unmindful of the eyes that followed me. The shelter of the trees muffled the sounds of the camp. The coldness of the forest pricked at my neck and legs. I tugged at my school uniform, frowning at how misplaced it was at the current location we were in. A harsh laugh escaped my lips.

"Laughable garments," I muttered, wishing I had my hunting dress on, fully clad with the chest armor, arm support, and light but solid feel of chain mail about me. My right hand absentmindedly reached toward my back where my quiver of arrows should have rested.

A sob left me as I suddenly crouched down on the forest floor, my legs giving way. The want was so strong it was painful…leaving me weak. I stared into the darkness of the woods, gasping.

"He must know what He's doing," I whispered, trying to calm myself down. Aslan had allowed the four of us to re-enter Narnia. There must be something we have to accomplish here. But what? My fingers gripped at the soft soil beneath me, fisting the earth into small wads. "What is it you have me do?" I asked Aslan.

"My Queen?" came a voice from behind. Startled, I quickly scrambled to my feet and looked toward the general direction of the voice.

"Who goes there?" I demanded, feeling slightly embarrassed that anyone should have overheard my cries. "Show yourself!"

"It is I, Caspian," came his voice. His form slowly came into view, the camp's light throwing enough glows on his face.

As he drew closer, I suddenly felt so small. Standing before him in my school uniform, so unlike the person he had seen me last, and without my glorious bow and arrows…I didn't feel like the woman he assumed me to be.

"Your Highness," I kept my eyes lowered, doing a sorry version of a curtsy. I didn't want to be there. I just wished I would disappear into the night air.

"Please," he stepped closer until he was inches before me. I smelled the tinge of woods, earth, leather, and…a tang of something cinnamon-like spice about him. He lifted my chin with a gentle nudge. "It is Caspian."

"I…" I stammered, unable to look into his gaze, but he bent forward until my rested on his. "I'm sorry," was all I could whisper.

"For what?" he lightly chuckled, then stopped when he saw my face furrowed deeper. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"I have!" I stepped back. "I acted when I shouldn't have. Irrational, brash, impulsive…" I listed, feeling my cheeks sting with heat. "And in front of your entire court, no doubt. They must think me immoral!" I turned and rested my form on the nearest tree. How I really just wanted to evaporate.

"Do you speak of our kiss?" his voice was low and hushed. I dared not turn and face him. I dared not even say a word. When the silence stretched, he continued. "I didn't regret it. In fact…it's what's kept me going for the past two years."

"Two years," I repeated. "One year there, two years here…Narnian-Earth relativity isn't constant at all," I mused. I was surprised to see him standing before. I hadn't noticed at all that I had turned while contemplating about the year relations. I made to step back but the tree cut me off. My hands balled by my sides. How I hated the feeling of being trapped, even it if was something that I had brought upon myself.

"Do not cry!" he whispered, producing a handkerchief and gently wiping away the tears on my cheeks.

"I'm angry with myself," I stopped his hands. "Aslan has been too kind for bringing us back here. And what the kiss has done to you, I'm sorry I've made you want for something that should have never happened," I said in a rush, fighting the quiver of my voice. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I broke through his form and started running aimlessly into the woods. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness, my speed was reduced to a fast walk, allowing the king to catch me easily in his arms.

"Please, do not run," came his breath upon my right ear. It tickled my neck. I tried to fight his clasp but somehow my arms wouldn't cooperate. They hung limply by my sides as another sob escaped my throat. I suddenly felt so weak, my knees threatening to buckle beneath me.

Before I had the chance to fall to the forest floor, Caspian had already scooped me up into his arms. My arms automatically came upon his shoulders for balance. Our faces were mere centimeters away from each other. An overwhelming urge came about me as I swiftly pulled him to me, drawing him into a fierce embrace. He set me down as he returned the grip, his arms around my waist.

"Caspian!" I moaned into his shoulder. I inhaled his sent, his presence, his very being.

"My Queen," he replied. I heard the tears in his voice as he dug his nose deeper into my hair, my neck. The feel of his lips against the sensitive skin below my ear sent shivers down my back. I gasped at the unexpected reaction. My arms loosened around his neck as I drew back. I just had enough time to draw in breath before he gently but urgently placed his lips on my parted ones. He tasted musky, of muscle…of male. My fingers wove through his shoulder-length hair, pulling him closer.

"My King," I gasped between kisses. Never had I felt this rich agitation …this terror …this rapture with anything or anyone before.

*


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

The Telmarine army headed back toward the capital, but not the route I was expecting.

"Where are we going?" I leaned slightly to my right where Caspian rode atop his own steed. He turned and smiled.

"Home," his grin grew wider, as if letting a joke run through his boyish smirk.

"The Telmarine castle," I slowly nodded, confused by his manner. The army crossing through the Dancing Lawn, and according to previous maps I'd seen of Narnia of this age, the way to the castle was to travel north-north-west. But we were heading north-east. I kept silent, knowing that we weren't going the right direction. It was until we reached the Fords of Beruna did my heart start to pound so hard it was difficult to breathe.

"Stop," I gasped, pulling in the reigns of my horse. Peter and Caspian, who were slightly ahead of me also stopped their steeds and turned. Edmund and Lucy caught up to where my horse stood.

"Are you well, Susan?" asked Lucy, her right hand drifting toward her right hip. Patting nothing but her school skirt, she hissed in annoyance. "I don't have my vial," referring to her fire-berry juice. I gave her a meaningful look before resting my own annoyed eyes on the king.

"Where are you leading the army, Caspian? You said 'home,' but we're traveling in the wrong direction. We should be heading north-north-west," I huffed. Long journeys on horseback never sat well with me, among the reasons why I disliked going on "peace expeditions" beyond the borders of the Narnian Kingdom, namely Calormen, the southern empire during Peter's reign. I saw Peter and Caspian exchange looks and grinned, lifting their chins as if sending a wordless agreement between themselves.

"I repeat what I said: we're going home," said Caspian, then turned and spurred his horse forward toward the front of the ranks. Peter just nodded at me and followed Caspian, as did Edmund.

"The nerve…" I choked between clenched teeth.

"Boys," Lucy shook her head, urging her horse forward. "C'mon, Sue," she tilted her head, summoning me to follow.

"What's with the coded looks and messages?" I gripped the reigns.

"I don't know, but the sooner we get 'home' as Caspian puts it, the sooner we get into proper clothes and a warm bed to sleep on. It's past bedtime, London time," she sighed, fighting a yawn.

"But here, it's just the beginning of the afternoon," I glanced upward. The trees were starting to thin, and by the position of the sun, it must have been roughly two o'clock. The journey continued, and I dared not glance where I knew Caspian would be. I kept my attention on the surroundings. Though Narnia was changed from the time of our rule and from the last time we ventured through here when we were rescuing Narnia for Telmarine tyranny, I was still able recognize notable landmarks.

When we reached the end of the trees, a field opened up before us. The breath caught in my throat as a familiar form registered in my mind.

"Aslan's How," I gasped recognizing the mound. The sun must have been playing tricks, for the earth and stone atop the mound looked like Aslan's head. I knew the How was destroyed during the second battle of Beruna…how was it this was still standing and this resemblance to Aslan was still intact? But if that was Aslan's How, then –

"Susan!" yelled Lucy after me as I spurred my horse forward, breaking away from the party. I pressed the horse forward, faster, praying that my instincts and countless hours of study in the map-room were all worth the risk I was taking.

I didn't stop until I smelled something different in the forest air. I slowed the steed a bit, slowing into a gallop, straightening my body from flat against the horse's neck to sitting upright. That smell, distinct wet and fresh scent of river water. Hours upon hours of forest-hunting and training with the centaurs had taught me how to smell the air and sense the differing elements of the earth when sight and hearing failed.

I heard it before I saw it, and when the sound was like a laughing gurgle in my ears, I grinned. Then a flash of clear-blue beneath the sun; it was as I had rightly guessed: the beginnings of the River Rush! Following the river's snake-form, trees to my right and the river to my left, I kept forward. The river was growing, the flow getting louder and angrier. Then the River Rush emptied into the Great River. Staring at its y-section, I turned to face east, and felt tears form and run down my cheeks.

There it was, the glistening Eastern Sea, shimmering in the late afternoon sun. And then, the place where she had walked, run, rode, learned, ruled, and laughed for fifteen years as queen. It stood in its tall and high splendor, with its high vaulting domes, the rich stained-glass windows and white marble blushing in the light of the sun.

"Cair Paravel," I cried.

"I told you we were going home," came a voice. I turned and hastily wiped the moisture from my cheeks and eyes with the back of my hand.

"It's restored," I laughed, my eyes lovingly cast upon the palace again.

"We Telmarines have united with Narnian heritage. It seemed sensible and symbolic that we move to Cair Paravel," said Caspian, stopping his horse beside mine. "It's not as grand as you remember it but –"

"It's wonderful," I cut him off. "You're right: it's home," I whispered. I prepared myself to see the differences, but I didn't mind. It looked way better than the time we landed in Narnia during our last venture here.

"I'll race you to the stables," he teased, making his horse trot-jump.

"You dare?" I pulled my lips into a curved smile. With laughter escaping from us, we tore across the fields toward the shining palace.

Halfway there, an image flashed across my memory: gleaming brown flanks of a horse, shining armor, upper torso of well-muscled and honed-skills of a warrior-man, and brown curly-long locks whipping past high cheekbones and steel-grey eyes that always caught me staring at him.

Orieus.

It was he who taught me how to read the stars just as any centaur could. My hunting companion, sparring partner, friend-warrior…my lover.

As his image faded, my thoughts were jolted back into reality.

"What am I doing here? I shouldn't be flirting with Caspian! I…" I hissed at myself, realism clearing my mind.

"My Queen, are you alright?" Caspian had doubled-back when he realized I had stopped and wasn't by his side. I slowly lifted my gaze to his face as if awakening from a trance.

"Fatigue," I weakly smiled. "I should retire soon lest I fall off my horse," I attempted a laugh. It sounded hollow.

"Come, the palace is close," and with that he led the way. All the while I kept detached, the image of Orieus' smile forever burned into the back of my shut eyelids.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

_Arrow. _

_Feather._

_Bowstring._

_Set._

_Breathe in._

_Pull._

_Aim._

_Release. _

_Breathe out._

The morning was filled with sharp, flying arrows. The field at the western part of the palace was transformed into a shooting range, with targets such as pine cones, two-inch wooden planks, a haystack, a scarecrow, a falling feather…anything that moved and wasn't a living creature was pierced with arrows.

I stretched my right arm, my hand expertly feeling for another arrow in the quiver, knowing those arrows were infinite. I was just setting the nth arrow on the bowstring when I heard galloping from the left. I turned, catching sight of a herd of centaurs.

My breath caught in my throat, a dry sob escaping as I lowered my bow. I squinted against the morning glare as the herd made their way across the green in a casual yet disciplined manner. Though they were centaurs, there were stark differences between them and the centaurs of the Golden Age.

These looked wilder, their hair, manes, and tails long, untamed, and thicker. The males had facial hair and held their head-hair held back in a single irregular tie or either let loose. The females had long wave-curls that ran the length of their manes. Even their equine legs had a notable amount of coating on them, unlike the smooth, glazed ones of –

"Stop it, Susan," I pried my eyes away from them, biting my lip till it hurt, distracting myself. "He's not here; he's not returning…because I left him." My arms felt like lead weights as those words escaped. My hand clenched the wooden bow, my knuckles pale white from the pressure.

What if I never left Narnia? What if Lucy never found the wardrobe in Lantern Waste? If, if, if!

From the palace I could see Lucy and Edmund make their way toward me, skipping-running like children. I understood: that's how I had felt yesterday. This was their home. I saw Peter conversing with Glenstorm across the field. The image pained me; how very much like the way Peter had conversed with Orieus.

I closed my eyes and let out a cry. No! Narnia isn't home. It never will be, not without him by my side.

I quickly opened my eyes, realizing that my cry must have alarmed Lucy and Edmund, for they were now running full out in my direction. I can't face them yet, I have to think! I dropped my bow, picked up the skirts of the hunting dress and ran for the tree line. Lucy would never catch up, her body still that of a child and not honed into the tomboyish Narnian Queen who loved the outdoors as she had been before. Edmund probably could catch up, but I had a long head start.

The woods near the palace weren't dense, but it was wooded enough to provide privacy and solitude. I had always come here whenever men came to the palace to ask for my hand in marriage, back in the Golden Age when I was Queen Susan the Gentle. It was a place where those nobles, princes, or whatever sorry excuse for an "eligible husband" would never think to look. I, Queen Susan, prim and proper, Mistress of Court Decorum and Manners, hiding out in the forest; no, they expected me to hide behind bookshelves, tea sets, and sitting rooms like a lady. I may be a queen, but I am also a huntress, a warrior.

I slowed my run into a fast walk, and then slow steps. The land was so changed. The favorite clearing where I came to was so wild and overgrown it was unrecognizable. Nonetheless, the pull of familiarity made me step onto the long grass, the sun slanting in slivers of white and yellow through the canopy. The forest floor was bouncy with fallen leaves, pine cones, and long blades of untamed growth.

Once upon a time, this clearing had been an orderly training ground for me. The female centaurs of the herd were expert bows-women just as the male centaurs were skilled swordsmen. It was here where I honed my dexterity and proficiency, learning how to shoot with whatever situation and circumstance was presented. The female centaurs were brutal in training, but outside the ring, they were the best companions any queen could ask for. And at the end of every session, he was there, always waiting, giving honest feedback on how he perceived my training, where to improve and what to downplay. The best part was him allowing me to ride on his back as we took the long way route to the palace. It was taboo for anyone to ride on a centaur's back. It was like someone sitting on a human's shoulder as a way of transportation. But Orieus didn't think that when I sat on his back. Those night rides was when I discovered I loved him. It took months until he also admitted the same feelings for me.

"No king, diamonds, gold, or crowns can ever amount to the love I have for you, Orieus," I told him one night as we looked out into the great Eastern Sea.

"I am of no royal blood, no kingdom to offer…I am a warrior. I serve the king before anyone else," he insisted, trying to turn me away. But I was adamant.

"That's where we are the same: I serve the crown, king, and country. I too am a warrior. Don't you see?" I stood in his path, forcing him to look at me. "I will never be happy just sitting on a throne with jewels in my hair, silk dresses on my back, or attend to a husband who cares more for politics and economics than the actual battle in the field. Orieus, I choose you."

"High King Peter will never approve," he shook his head. I held onto his arm.

"He may be king, but he isn't the one to choose who I will wed. You are his best friend as Edmund is also. How could he not approve of you?" he pried my hands off his arm as he turned and walked away. "Orieus!" I ran after him, knowing that if he took on a full run I'd never be able to catch up. I grabbed my skirts and pumped my legs forward to stand in his path, not caring if he would trample over me. "Listen to me!"

"NO! You listen, my queen," he roared, his eyes firing in the full moon's glare. I shook, his frustrated growl running through me. "I am a centaur, a centaur! Look at me, I am not human, I can never love you like a human male would, never be what a human male husband would be to you." He placed both hands on my arms, squeezing me. "Can't you see that?" his voice sounded angry, almost desperate. An uncontrolled moan escaped my throat, the stinging prick of tears forming at the corners of my eyes. I clenched my teeth, my fury matching his frustration.

"YES, Orieus! I DO see you. I SEE YOU!" I screamed with irritation. As the tears started to fall, my vision clouded but I never tore my gaze from him. "I see you, ONLY you," I fought through tears. "I CHOOSE you to love."

He released me and I sank to the ground, feeling as if something was sucked out of my chest. Then I heard his hooves growing distant. I turned and saw his receding form. My mouth went dry, my body felt numb. Even the angry crashes of the waves were muted. Only the moon's harsh brilliance existed; all else was black.

He left me.

Even after my declaration…he just left.

I closed my eyes, lying down and facing the stars. The pain was anesthetizing. My common sense told me that the night would grow steeply colder, but I felt nothing. Even breathing seemed like a chore. What if I stopped breathing all together? Wouldn't that be a luxury…?

I heard nothing, but one tiny drum at the back of my mind, quiet enough for me to ignore. But then it decided to grow stronger, louder…faster.

Boom…boom…boom...!

Then I felt the ground shaking. Common sense was telling me to get up. Another voice was contradicting common sense, asking what would the use be?

All at once, the drum and shaking ceased. Common sense was shrieking in my mind to get up and investigate. The voice told me to lie down and remain, to languish in the numbing bliss of oblivion. Who to listen to?

Orieus, common sense whispered.

Orieus? The voice snorted. He was gone. He rejected my proposal. The voice was guffawing, I could hear the tears in the laughter. The laughter was piercing and cruel…and cold. It sounded familiar…

"Of course I'm familiar," the voice taunted. "You've seen me in my glory, until that wretched Lion came," it hissed.

"Jadis," I assumed. The laughter cackled.

"Well done, my queen," she sneered. Then she let out a thoughtful sigh. "Love never goes the way you want it. I was once in your position. Do you know what I did?" her voice lilted in a sing-song way.

"What?"

"I killed him. You can, too, and put an end to this petty hurt," she sounded bored. "You're a queen, power; and you'll waste that title away for a mere…love-thing? Hah!" she spat.

"I can't kill him," I said. My thoughts were slowing down, as if someone was running life through slow-motion. "Even if I had wanted to, I can't; he's a better fighter than I am…"

"Tsk-tsk… such little faith in your abilities," she tutted, the fakeness apparent in her concern.

Then I felt something warm and hot spread across my chest, the pain searing and intense. I screamed in agony, the torture unbearable.

"What's happening?" I demanded as the heat continued to eat at my skin, making its way toward my heart. "AAAARRRGGGHH!"

I couldn't hear Jadis' voice anymore, not even the deriding laughter echoed. Suddenly I felt my hands and legs, the ground pushing against my back, the grass grasped between my hands, the angry whip of the sea's winds across my face.

"SUSAN!"

I opened my eyes, sight greeted by flames, bright and dazzling. It emitted from something in front of me, on my chest. I let out one blood-curdling scream of torment until finally the small sun and the fever-like experience was gone.

I sat up, feeling the sweat drizzle down my forehead and neck.

"You're awake!" came a voice. I turned and then backed away.

"What just happened?" I demanded, getting up on my feet as I regarded him, evidence of the burning sensation in his hands. "What's that?" I nodded at his hands.

"Just as I left, I felt the presence of another. It was an evil dryad. It was racing toward the direction I had left, and I realized it was heading for you, so I raced back. When I arrived, the evil dryad had already struck a glowing icicle into your chest," Orieus explained, his form bent down on the ground, his forelegs and hindquarters folded under him so his torso and head were level with my sitting form. Then my eyes snapped back at him, confusion and worry etched across my face.

"But…according to the books, evil dryads, messengers of Jadis, come to those to whom she sends them to. But she's gone!" I rested my head in my hands, thinking. "How could she still exist?"

"Also according to the books, she's summoned by individuals to whom she has an emotional connection to, a shared experience," he continued, referring to the same book I mentioned. "I don't know how she exists; only Aslan knows that answer."

I retreated into my thoughts. Jadis once loved? Jadis killed the one who rejected her love. She was taunting me to do the same…oh my goodness… she wanted me to take the road she took…to become like her! I snapped out of my thoughts and focused my eyes on him.

"Why did you come back? Why did you save me?" my hands tingled from my tight hold. I released my hold.

"What sort of question is that?" he sounded offended. "You are queen of Narnia. Of course I would protect you. That's why I summoned a star from the heavens to try and melt the lodged icicle in your chest," he referred to the burning ball in his hand. He then opened his hand and the little object lifted and wafted upwards on an invisible breeze.

"But what if I was not queen, would you have still saved me?" I looked away.

"I protect Narnia. You are Narnia."

I wasn't going to hear anymore. I got up and strode for the palace. So he saved me out of duty. Were all his other acts out of duty as well? None genuine acts of love and friendship? All… a beautiful mirage.

"Susan!" he got up and galloped up to me. I turned and faced him.

"Have you forgotten your protocol? Addressing me so informally, General?" I lifted my chin. If it was a queen he saw me as, if it was just because of that title that made him reject me, then I'll give him what he wants: a queen.

"Forgive me, I was wrong," he bowed his head. It pained me to see him act so formal toward me.

"Apparently," I insisted, my clipped tone surprising even me. Palace training was so ingrained into my consciousness; I almost forgot what it was like to act without protocol, decorum, or palace etiquette. "About what? The evil dryad? You managed to heal me from the icicle pierce."

"No," he shook his head. He lifted his gaze to my face and held me with his eyes. "I was wrong for leaving you. When I saw you lying there, unconscious, nearly within the grasp of the White Witch because of that evil dryad of twisted, rotted tree branches with the stench of death and ice about it…" he shuddered at the memory, his brows knitted and teeth clenched in anger and agony. "I tore at my hair and realized what a villain I was to reject the love of a woman I revered more than the life I lived."

"So, it took a near-successful assassination for you to realize –"

"You mean more to me than Narnia ever will," he cut me off. It was my turn to avert my eyes. Once again, I felt his gentle hands on either side of my arms. "Forgive this stubborn horse; I should have told you in the first place: I choose you, too."

It was at those words that I lifted my gaze up to him, relief and surprise washing through me. I let out a happy gasp as I smiled.

"You're quite correct on the stubborn part," I laughed. He too laughed and lifted me into his arms, his strong muscled arms a comfort and sanctuary. Then he placed me down on the ground again. He bent his forelegs so his upper torso and head were level with mine.

"Susan…" he whispered, gently brushing my dark locks away from my face, his fingers caressing and soft. He pressed his forehead against mine. I let out a contented sigh, knowing his gesture translated into human terms meant a gentle first kiss. I knew he wouldn't kiss me on the lips until we were formally married. Foreheads were fine by me at this point in time.

"I won't let you," he promised.

"Let me what?" my brows knitted in confusion. I pulled away and looked at him. His face was set and determined.

"I heard the conversation between you and the evil dryad. I won't let you become what Jadis wants you to be: like her. We have something she doesn't."

"What's that?" I leaned into him, his arms encircling my waist as he pulled me to him.

"Love."


	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's note:_**_ Hi, everyone. Sorry if my "transitions" between present events and flashbacks weren't clearly indicated. Yeah, there are flashbacks of Susan when she was Queen in the Golden Age and she and Orieus had a *thing-fling* going on._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing!_

**Chapter 5:**

Sleep eluded me. Dreams invaded my mind, and all of them made me even more confused than the memory I had of Orieus back in the forest.

According to Lucy, Caspian found me in the forest and carried me back to the palace. I didn't accept any visitors, not even Peter and Edmund; most especially not Caspian. Only Lucy shared my mornings and afternoons. Evenings I feared for that was when the memories and emotions took me, the waves so strong and controlling they always rendered me sleepless, cry-sore, and dazed.

This was the evening of the fifth day since we landed into Narnia again. The chamber given to me faced the Eastern Sea, the turbulent waves echoing the war inside me. I felt like I was being pulled apart, each of me wanting to break and disappear into the farthest corners of this world.

Raking my fingers through my hair, I pulled at the strands, savoring the pain.

"Wake me up, wake up!" I pleaded into the night, feeling the nightly sobs rising up again.

Orieus.

Caspian.

Orieus.

Caspian.

Past lover.

Present…what? What was Caspian to me now?

"He's King of Narnia," I answered myself. I walked to the balcony, the night air chilly but blowing mildly. "Why am I here, Aslan? You said Peter and I weren't coming back to Narnia anymore, and I prepared myself for it, painful as it was. Why!" I screeched, the skin around my mouth pulled taut with pent up impatience. "Why!" I pulled my hands into fists and pounded the marble column that I was leaning on.

Anger and frustration, coupled with lack of sleep and tears were taking their toll on me. I barely recognized myself in the mirror. I saw a haggard, worn-out, dark under-eyes-circled female staring back at me, her hair uncombed and falling in messy clumps around her shoulders.

"You are here for a reason," grumbled a quiet, resonant voice, the sound of rumbling thunder and impending storm in the air. I jumped when I saw a second figure join my reflection in the mirror.

"Aslan!" I coughed, torn between feelings of relief and fear. My knees gave way and I fell to the floor. I didn't dare look up. I felt the muscles at the back of my neck strain, but I didn't move. I saw his forepaws move forward until they were directly in front of me. Fear rose and engulfed me.

"You have done something you should not have, and now you must right your wrong," he said, his breath rolling in warm breezes down my back.

"W-what have I done?" I shuddered. Was this the same fear Edmund felt after Aslan rescued him from Jadis? Edmund avoided that topic, only mentioning that Aslan gave him a way to redeem himself.

"The king is neglecting his duty to Narnia. You are cause to this, Queen Susan. You must right your wrong," growled Aslan, but not in a menacing way. I felt the concern and burden in his tone. It was then I risked lifting my gaze to the Great Lion.

"What must I do?" my eyes felt like they were burning. Aslan was like a sun inside the dark chamber, his amber-yellow aura illuminating more than a thousand candles ever could.

"You must make him un-love you. Turn him back on his path."

I buckled at the word "un-love." Is that even possible? Such a feat to do?

"Love, un-love," I scoffed, pent up resentment spewing forth faster than I could stop my tongue. "HOW can I make someone un-love? I can't even do THAT for myself!" I stomped, not realizing I was already on my feet and facing Aslan. "If you can make me un-love Orieus…" I laugh-choked, tears and rage tearing at my throat. I turned away, my hands covering my face, unstoppable sobs shaking my entire frame.

Silence. Aslan didn't speak, but he was still there.

"Orieus is…"

I croaked, realizing I was speaking in the present-tense. I took a shattered breath, "WAS," I forced out, "my lover…my husband! Why did you let us return to England? Why did you allow us to be taken away from Narnia? From my life here, from our reign, from the world we saved from the White Witch?" each question was punctured with a shriek, tear at my hair, or stomp. I must have looked like an absolute child, but I didn't care. All these questions, unanswered questions, plaguing and not letting me sleep, haunting, a ghost in the shape and sound of Jadis mocking and taunting me, always there in my peripheral vision.

"Perhaps you should not ask 'why' about events occurring, but rather of yourself," replied Aslan.

I drew away as if he scathed me with his powerful claws.

"How can you say that?" I whispered, too weak to argue. Light-headed, my eyes slowly scanned the chamber, looking for the bed. This was too much. I felt like I was drowning, loss of direction, no way knowing which way was up or when I'd be able to gulp in air again. Aslan might as well have kept me chained to the bottom of the sea with his command.

Boys in London did like me. Men in Narnia in my reign sought for my hand in marriage. But all of them were the same: weak, yes-men, too drenched in their politics to care enough being in the actual outdoors, wielding weapons of defense.

But Orieus, General Orieus…he had proper respect but knew when to keep me in line, keep me in check, and when to hold me back when the battle cries were too blood-curdling to ignore and I wanted to be among the first to rush in.

"Queen Susan the Gentle," Orieus had scoffed. "I think Aslan was joking when he named you that," he said in a jesting manner. "You're anything BUT gentle, especially when it came to battling the rogue bandits terrorizing the populace of the Western March."

"He certainly wasn't joking," I narrowed my eyes at Orieus, knowing this was among our many pastimes: a battle of wits and getting the last word in. "I hate battles and bloodshed. I don't like killing anything. It's only when the situation cannot be compromised and too many innocents are murdered, THAT'S the time I rush into battle. Besides," I shrugged. "Ed needed a second-in-command. You and Peter were up north slaying Ettinsmoor giants."

I shook my head, bringing myself back to the present. I reached the bed and plunked myself in the most un-queenly manner atop the covers.

This issue with Caspian…I saw something in him that reminded me of Orieus: the physical stamina and always having the conviction that he should correct any wrongs he sees.

I burrowed my head deeper into the covers.

That was it: I started loving Caspian because he reminded me of Orieus…minus the hooves and flanks. And the way Caspian looks me... like I'm the only one in the room. Very much like the proud and arrogant smile Orieus had whenever I finished a difficult obstacle course he and his men set up for me.

Oh western winds! I'm so confused. Orieus' and Caspian's faces were spinning inside my mind.

"I can't have them both," I moaned, finally realizing what Aslan wanted me to do. I slowly sat up. Aslan still lit up the room, an un-earthly flair in the center of the chamber.

"No, you cannot," he agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Dawn of the sixth day saw me padding through the cavernous halls. Cair Paravel may have been restored, but it didn't hold the same air it had during our reign. It looked too new, clean, not the homely and warm feeling of having been lived-in for years.

My feet took me down hallways that I had walked and ran through countless of times as queen. Walking down them again was like re-awakening a dull heart pain: it was home, but didn't feel like home.

I blinked twice when I came to a room full of shelves, ladders, lamps, and books. The tomes were time-worn and singed. The burned edges and spines must have been from the time the palace was attacked. According to Trufflehunter, the palace was under siege against the Telmarine and Calormen armies. The Telmarines from the sea, the Calormen from the south and inland.

Where were our allies? Where was Aslan that time? What happened to Orieus?

I scanned the room. 1,300 years of history, would I be able to find the answers here? My brows furrowed, recognizing the pattern and order in which the books were organized. I came closer and ran my hand down a row of spines.

"Its original placement," I laughed, incredulous. How could they (Telmarines) have known the order of the books? How had they saved the books?

My mind raced. If these books, these chronicles of the days when we reigned were all here, then surely my journals would be here! I ran down the aisles, trying to remember which shelves my journals would have been placed. I stopped in front of a row. Carved at the very top of the shelf was an ornate SP, spirals and flowers weaving in and out of my initials.

Touching the journals was like grasping fire. Half of me wanted to read my last entries, the other half wanted me to run as far away from the royal library as fast as I could. I looked to the last book on the shelf, knowing its color should have been blood-red in hue, but it was now a dull brown, its edges eaten away by time and fire.

I took it and sat on the floor, rearranging my skirts as I flipped the pen-pressured pages, the crinkle and flipping sound filling the quiet air.

_Greenroof, Day 10, Year 1015 of the Reign of the Four Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve, Cair Paravel_

_Today's counsel still hasn't settled on whether the court would proclaim open pursuit of the White Stag. Legend has it that it would grant the captor any wish he or she desires. _

_High King Peter and King Edmund voted to launch a campaign among the Narnians. Those who wished to join the hunt were welcome. Queen Lucy and I voted against the hunt. How are we sure this stag, which was sighted at Lantern Waste by Mr. Tumnus, is the one and same White Stag of the Legend?_

_I believe as Monarchs, we should busy ourselves with more pressing matters, such as the rising threat from the South, the unrelenting and persistent kingdom that is Calormen. Aside from that, dignitaries from the island nations of Galma and Terebinthia will soon arrive, the trade routes and commerce a much-needed discussion to be held between our kingdoms. _

_There is also the matter of exploring The Seven Isles and the Lone Islands further, to establish a more secure sea route from the mainland to those islands. _

_A wild goose chase over a stag would delay these developments. I believe so._

_Journal end._

My last entry was about the White Stag. We never caught up to it. Instead, we were distracted by the lamp post, the same one we saw when we first landed in Narnia during the 100 Years of Winter. And then we fell through the wardrobe once again, becoming children and no evidence that we had ever been away from the professor's mansion or that we had aged 15 years in another world.

The page turned, and it was a handwriting that wasn't my own. My brows furrowed. Who dared scrawl in the royal diaries? I tilted my head, trying to discern what was written, and then the handwriting hit me like a club against my neck.

_Greenroof, Day 20, Year 1015_

_Dearest Queen Susan of the Horn,_

_It is I, General Orieus of the Royal Narnian Armies. For ten days have we scoured the thickets and woods of Lantern Waste, the last location of which your royal highnesses were spotted. Only your steeds, bow and arrows, Horn, High King Peter's sword, and Queen Lucy's cordial were retrieved._

_The palace is in confusion. The lack of your presences has put the people into chaos. Trade, politics, and the growing armies from the South have added to the already escalating disorder. We cannot make promises to the Narnians that we will find you. _

_I myself am headed toward the South to keep the Calormen threat at bay. The other heads of state and commanders of the armies will stay behind to defend the palace. Our ambassadors will travel to Galma and Terebinthia to ask for their military aid._

_The Council has put into question if we should sound your Horn, and was voted to do so. But none could sound it. What deep magic was instilled in your royal gifts, we know not. Without the Horn, we cannot summon Aslan._

_I write this quickly. Time is of the essence, haste is of need. I know not the fate of our kingdom. But this you can be assured: I would gladly die in battle fighting for Narnia._

_Yours forever,_

_Orieus._

I dropped the book, the breath stolen from my lungs. Everything faded from me, and I felt like I was in a deep, endless tunnel of darkness.

Aslan hadn't helped them because they couldn't call him. But couldn't Aslan have known such events would have occurred?

"You must right the wrong," echoed Aslan's voice in my mind. The wrong? Us accidentally abandoning Narnia? Me unwittingly making Caspian fall in love with me? Both?

I stared at Orieus' handwriting. I ran my fingers along the pressure he instilled on the pages with the pen. No doubt he did die defending Narnia.

"I wish you were here," I whispered, recalling evenings where I had ranted and raved, my anger surging and boiling whether it was about Council matters or something I couldn't talk my way out of because the vote was against me. Orieus was there to calm me down, talk me through my frustrations, and if that didn't help, accompanied me to the training ground and work out the anger with countless arrows flying through the air, never missing the target.

"What do I do?" I closed the book, a tear streaking down its cover. I placed the book back on the shelf and stood up. I went to the windows, looking up at the stars. The sun wasn't above the horizon yet, so the stars still shone. They were dancing, portraying a story, a prediction, and a possible future. I blinked, the message coming to me in a sudden wave.

_Teach him to be king. Counsel him._

I turned and faced Peter's own set of journals. Is that it? Caspian to be as great a king as Peter was?

I shook my head. Surely Peter was already doing that? Passing on information and experiences while he was on the throne. What was my role? Of course I was Queen, and had ruled, my role having been checking the armies, boosting their morale, patrolling the borders, visiting villages, instilling hope in the people.

I looked up at the stars again. They were doing a different dance now, but it was fading. The sun was coming. I'd have to wait till later this evening.

"The servants told me you were finally out of your chamber," came his voice. I froze. I didn't want to turn around and face him, but court decorum was drumming in my mind. So I did.

"Good morning, your majesty," I kept my gaze on the floor as I curtsied.

"Please, it's Caspian," he smiled, walking toward me. I kept still, the feeling of unknown fear rising inside me. I wanted to run.

"Such informalities," I tried to joke, but it came out as a cough. I felt him stop in front of me. Don't look up, don't look up!

"Susan," he lifted my chin with a gentle, curled finger. I kept my eyes down, but he bent his head to meet my gaze. I stared back in alarm. "What's wrong? Has something upset you?"

I turned my head away and walked toward the bookshelves. How was I going to say this? I myself couldn't understand what I was feeling. I know deep down I loved Orieus. But how come whenever Caspian was near, I felt like I couldn't breathe? The heat was rising from my chest to my throat, to my face.

"You must make him un-love you," echoed Aslan's voice once again. How do I do that? I faced the windows once again. Stars! How do I make him un-love me?

The stars' dances were already fading, but a final burst of light pushed through the growing daylight: Ramandu's Daughter.

I let out a held breath. Another woman. Of course!

I finally turned and faced him, a smile upon my lips. "Nothing's the matter, your grace." My thoughts were racing. With another woman in Caspian's life, he would love her and not me, leaving me free from the mistake I committed. This would take planning, and the cunning prudence only a woman could achieve. "Shall we break fast?"

Caspain looked delighted, offering his arm to me. As we walked down toward the dining hall, plans and actions were taking form. But one question remained: if I succeeded in this endeavor, that Caspian would un-love me, knowing that Orieus belonged to the Narnia of 1,300 years ago, would I still choose to call Narnia home?

Orieus was dead from a valorous act of heroism, defending Narnia, a Narnia that was part of him as much as it was part of me. That Narnia was my Narnia, his Narnia. NOT the Narnia now, Caspian's Narnia.

I must succeed, I HAVE to succeed. I will NOT be queen of THIS Narnia.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

I had spoken with Peter and Edmund. True enough, they were already honing Caspian into a Narnian King worthy of his throne in Cair Paravel. I then sought out Lucy, who was at the north palace gardens, holding an informal court with mice, beavers, a fox, and Mr. Trufflehunter. I slowly approached the group, stopping a foot away from them when Lucy turned around.

"Su! Welcome back to the outside world," Lucy got up and hugged me. I hugged back and looked at her. "I think I know how we'll get back home."

"Home," Lucy echoed. She stepped back. "You mean London," she said.

"Yes," I said. I looked at the others. They took their cue and left the gardens. "Don't you want to go home, Lu?"

"I… I do," she said slowly. "But Caspian needs us now," she took her seat again.

"I know," I sat next to her. "That's our ticket home. We prepare him to be king, we go back to London."

"I thought you liked it here," she said quietly, wringing her hands in her lap.

"I do, Lu, but be honest with yourself, this isn't the Narnia we remembered, the home we called when we reigned. This Narnia belongs to Caspian, to the Telmarines. Our time's finished here," I tried taking her hand but she moved away.

"It's not Narnia, Su," she started crying. I gasped in surprise. I hadn't meant to upset her. "It's Aslan. HE's Narnia to me. Aslan doesn't exist in London." She hugged herself, trying to stop her sobs.

"Just like Narnia isn't Narnia without my husband," I whispered to myself. I got up and embraced Lucy. "Aslan does exist in our world, in London, on earth."

"What?" Lucy turned and faced me. "What do you mean?"

"He told me and Peter that," I recalled the conversation me, Peter, and Aslan had back at the Telmarine castle, when he had informed us that Peter and I would not return because we were too old. To this day I don't understand what he meant by "too old." Was that in earth years or Narnian years? Or something that couldn't be counted in numbers?

"And did you find him?" Lucy's eyes widened in anticipation. I looked away.

"I didn't. Maybe Peter did. Or I wasn't looking hard enough. I don't know," I felt ashamed. I knew why I didn't find him. Because I didn't look for him. "My point is, Lu, whether we're here or in London, Aslan isn't lost to you."

"He's not lost to you either," she said, noticing I didn't say "us". "So," she fought to smile. "What must we do? Peter and Edmund are already doing their part. What about us?"

"What you do best: heal. I think you'll have to give him your cordial," I nodded at the vial at her waist.

"It's not that simple to use," she said, lifting the vial from her belt.

"That's why you'll have to teach him," I said. I released a sigh, "I'll be heading to the astronomy tower. If anyone asks where I am," I turned and gave Lucy one sad smile. She understood that smile. She knew the astronomy tower was my favorite haunt. It was Orieus' also.

The height of the tower was ideal for star gazing. It was nearing midnight when the stars shone its brightest, their dance firing up the black velvet. I stared and read in struck horror, of the possible future if I failed in my endeavor.

The stars also showed why a Son of Adam must be on the Throne.

_To right the wrong that was done during the creation of Narnia. The son of Adam must protect Narnia from the evil which he had allowed to enter , the White Witch. For that transgression, he must govern over the Talking Beasts and Dumb Beasts, the forests and lands, rivers and seas, a steward over the land in which he had helped distort.. That is his burden._

Another history was unfolding before me. It was of King Caspian IX, Caspian's father. He was surrounded by seven individuals. The stars started another dance, a waltz of some sort, which broke into a tumult.

_These seven lords were the closest counselors of the king. Upon his death, Miraz the Usurper had these lords set on an impossible task, upon the pretext of discovering new lands beyond the Eastern Sea for the glory of the Telmarine Kingdom. It was Miraz's plan to rid himself of these lords, for they surely would hamper any plans of him becoming king. And he succeeded. Caspian X must find these lords, provide for them the proper rites of either death or restoration to their titles. His quest is to find them._

I pried my eyes away from the stars. A journey on the Eastern Seas. That was dangerous, unheard of…but if this was Aslan's will, then Caspian must fulfill this.

I yawned, knowing it must have been past one in the morning already. I turned toward the door when a great flash startled me. I ducked, hiding my head behind my arms as the light grew brighter and brighter. Suddenly, the light started to fade, it was then that I pulled my arms away and forced myself to look.

It was a star, standing before me. I swallowed, uncertainty brewing inside me. Stars rarely left the skies, and if they did, it was to deliver a message most urgent and dire it; would be folly to ignore.

It was a woman, her hair golden-sparkles, her skin bright and luminescent. She wore a long blue gown, but no sleeves, leaving her arms bare. She was painfully beautiful.

"Arise, Queen Susan of the Horn," her tinkling voice. I get up on my feet, steadying myself. "I am the Daughter of Ramandu."

I bowed. Anyone of the stars should be revered. They were the First Voices, the beings who sang Narnia into being with Aslan.

"You will inform King Caspian of his quest," she said in a quiet, silver-upon-china voice.

"Yes," I nodded.

"I live among the stars. I see possible futures, many great, most terrible, but all can change by one decision, just one act of disobedience can change the entire future of a people, a nation, a kingdom…"

"You speak of Caspian, and what I have done," I cast my eyes down. Haven't I already agreed that I would turn away from him? How many times do I have to admit to my mistake? How many times do I have to apologize for this?

"What you _will_ do," she said.

"I don't understand," I shook my head. "I thought my mistake was already done."

"That was but a prick of the needle, that kiss," she continued in her soft, ringing voice. "The possible coming if you so choose to ignore this warning would lead to a gashing wound from a sword."

"Please, your grace," I gasped. "What exactly must I prevent?"

"Prevent what you have started to come into completion. Turn him away from you. If he continues to love you," she took a step toward me, a look of unease upon her face, "he will insist in following you into your world, throw his kingdom away, and disregard everything. The son of Adam has not the luxury to make that choice."

"He would do that?" I caught my breath. "Oh no…" I reeled, my thoughts racing forward. What if I failed? And this future came true? It would be like us four royals leaving Narnia again. Only this time, it wouldn't be an accidental abandonment, but one done on purpose.

"I know you have feelings for him," said the star. I looked at her, fear rising in me.

"I shouldn't have," I inhaled. "What have I done?" realizing the monstrosity of my actions, simple as they seemed, but the consequences were grave.

"Feelings are rarely controlled, they're quite volatile," the star sounded sympathetic. "Caspian is most likeable."

"You're going to be his wife," I turned to her, noting the tender way she said Caspian's name.

"It has been written in the stars since the Telmarines came into Narnia, that one day a star and a son of Adam be wed, and from them lines of kings, great and celebrated, will come forth."

I nodded. "Narnia needs a leader now, now that the Narnians and Telmarines are united."

"Daughter of Eve," she called to me, her voice sounding faint now. I looked and saw her starting to rise. "Speak not of this conversation to anyone, not even to Caspian. He will find out in his own time about me."

"I promise," I whispered as a surge of light enveloped me. And then she was gone.

I remained there for a while, sitting and hugging my knees.

"My tutor used to bring me up here to read the stars." I turned and faced him.

"No one reads the stars like a centaur can," I stood up, facing the king. "They don't just read, they interpret the dance, the slightest hint and difference, the light, the surge of –" I cut myself off, Orieus' words stinging my tongue. "It's different from the way humans read stars," I shrugged my shoulders.

"Will you teach me?" he came closer, standing in my personal space. I took a step away.

"Not tonight, your highness," I bowed. "I believe your training with the kings have worn you out," I gestured to his sleepy expression. "We'll schedule it."

"But tonight's perfect," he stepped closer again. In another time, in another situation, I would have gladly stayed and watched the stars with him till dawn made them fade and impossible to read anymore. How I would have also welcomed his warm arms to keep me from the cold.

I walked toward the door and held it open. "No," and then I walked through, leaving him there.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

I watched him, always turning away when I felt he was about to turn his eyes to me. I busied myself with the schedules and focus of the lessons I would teach him regarding star-reading. Doing that task was a fierce mess.

Memories of Orieus, night rides, and the momentous joy in discovering that I had learned the ancient art allowed only to Centaurs, latticed and zigzagged in my mind; I might as well have been writing with my own blood on the parchment.

"No," I shook myself away from those biased thoughts and pushed on. "The king needs this, if he's to successfully lead a ship across the Eastern Seas." I gulped in deep breaths before I was calm enough to continue.

Hours later, the agendas were set. I threw down the quill and leaned back on the high-backed chair. My eyes scanned the room. "The Planning Room" we jokingly called it, the place where we four royals planned, agreed on treaties, and set forth tactics for Narnia and her people. I sat in my seat. Peter's seat was on my right, Su on my left, Ed on Peter's right. It was a long table. A level below us was where the Council sat, a semi-circle table, Lords and Dignitaries from visiting kingdoms having seats of their own.

The room was empty save for me. The scratching of quill on parchment filled the morning air until noon. The silence only magnified what was there no more: The General. He had stood, along with one he-Centaur and two she-Centaurs just a pace behind our own chairs. He had stood behind Peter's chair, which gave me a good view of him if I looked.

"Stop it, Susan," I whispered to myself, begging, pleading. "Stop torturing yourself. Orieus is dead. Bringing his ghosts back into Cair Paravel will do no one any good, least of all you."

I gathered the papers and organized them, readying them for tonight's lessons. I knew I should retire. I made my way up to my chambers. On the way I saw Peter and Caspian, seated as kings do when conversing in camaraderie. They both stood up when they saw me.

"Queen Susan," Caspian bowed. I curtsied in reply. Strange. Back when we were in Aslan's How preparing to fight the Telmarine armies, such formalities would have been snorted at. But now, in Cair Paravel, court manners were carried out like a well-rehearsed play.

"King Caspian," I addressed him, handing him part of the papers I had prepared. "Here's the schedule for the astronomy sessions. I have already confirmed with the kings that these will not interfere with your training with them nor with Queen Lucy's apothecary lessons."

"Very well," he took the papers, his eyes never leaving my face. I turned to Peter.

"I'll be resting now," I said. He nodded.

Back in my room, the butterflies were erupting like fireworks inside my belly. I knew I shouldn't feel this way. I should be already past the preparatory stages of letting him go, of distancing myself. I should, I should…

"Gah!" I threw my hands up in the air and raked my hands through my hair. I sharply sat on the floor, unable to hold myself up. I was crying before I realized it, the tears hot streaks down my face. I pounded the stone floor, welcoming the pain, the dull sensation that grew sharper with each beat.

"Orieus! Tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way! Tell me I'm shameless, impious…I'm thirteen-hundred years older than him for goodness sake!" I bawled into my arms. "Let me hear your voice, your stern, upright, deep, practical, logical tone rebuking me…" I shook, wheezing for breath. I longed to hear the clip-clop of his hooves upon the stone floor. I longed to feel his arms lift me to him, keeping me safe in the only haven I had ever known in Narnia.

Silence.

"Orieus…" I whispered, my voice a raspy sigh. "I won't betray your love. Not then. Not now." I sat up and wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. Lifting my chin, I let out a determined huff. "I won't fail you, Daughter of Ramandu. I won't fail you, Aslan."

* * *

The tension was near-palpable. It could have been sliced with a sword if one wished. Even in the lofty, airy space of the Astronomy Tower, it was that oppressive.

This was the eighth day of our lessons. I was able to keep my distance, the formal attitude I kept up, a shawl of security for me. Friendship was there; only when necessary did I allow myself to laugh at his jokes, or let him touch my arm. But anything suggesting beyond friendship I hastily avoided.

To the eyes of an observer, things looked as it supposed to be: me teaching him how to star-gaze and note the different positions of the stars, the complicated yet somehow simple dances of the Fire-Beings.

But to me, and I was sure also to him, there was a gap, a chasm that I was adamant not to cross just as he was determined to build a bridge across it. The closer he got, the more resolved I was to stay away.

Tonight everything snapped.

"I cannot do this anymore," Caspian sat down on a chair, leaning his head on his hands.

"Has the vision the stars danced disturb you, your highness?" I gazed up at the stars. They were portraying the history of the Telmarines uniting with Calormen, defeating Narnia. Even the dance was gruesome to me. Caspian had asked why the stars were showing past events when they should have been showing the future. I told him that in order to understand the future, one must know the past, to discern patterns and prevent making similar mistakes.

"It's not the stars," he waved his hand impatiently. My brows furrowed. It had been a trying week. He had mastered the art of reading the stars rather quickly. I knew time was of the essence, but his speed in picking up the lessons was remarkable. He could read them, but only in a gruff manner. He still needed to realize the minute changes and the implications those changes might mean, totally misinterpreting a message if not discerned correctly.

I glanced at the hour-glass time piece. Quarter past one in the morning. Usually our sessions ended at half past, but I guess tonight could be excused.

"We should retire. We'll continue the lessons tomorrow night," I turned and began fixing the papers, study guides to the lessons. I did so quickly. I wanted to get out of this atmosphere. I knew something was building up, and I didn't want to be there when it detonated.

"No, Susan," he grabbed hold of my wrists, pulling me away from the table and to him. "Can we stop playing this cat-mouse game? I feel it, I KNOW you feel it, too," his expression was desperate, beseeching, his hold growing tighter.

"Let go," I pulled my arms away, but his grip didn't give. "What are you _doing_?" I demanded, growing angry and scared at the same time.

"I LOVE you, Susan," he pronounced each word through gritted teeth. "Each time I try to be near you, speak with you in private, you turn me AWAY," he shook as he said those words. Out of anger, frustration, or woe, I didn't want to scrutinize. All I knew was I had to prevent whatever he was up to.

"Caspian, be _reasonable!_" I pounded my clenched fists into his chest. "You're KING of Narnia. Do NOT for the love of everything of this kingdom _throw them away for me_!" I hissed, narrowing my eyes at him. "Don't even DARE think it!"

He was much stronger than I, and engulfed me in a bear hug I couldn't struggle out of. I let out a surprised gasp, still trying to wriggle free.

"I would, I _would do anything _to keep you by my side," he gasped into my ear, already placing kisses down my neck.

My eyes widened in horror. I was able to glance up at the stars, their serene dance of a brilliant Narnia soon lamenting into a scene of destruction and ruin.

_Aslan, give me strength!_

I pushed him away with all the force I could gather. He reeled back, surprised by the sudden action. He came forth again, surging up to me, but my next action shocked the both of us.

_SLAP!_

My right hand stung and burned as it lashed across his face. He grabbed his cheek, eyes large with disbelief. I wanted to run to him, say my sorry's and hug him. How I _wanted_ to comfort him, kiss him, run away with him.

_I love you, too_, my heart cried. _So I do this offense to save you._

Calling forth the livid emotions I know I should have felt I spat out the words: "Would you put Narnia, your country and responsibility, into question and danger for your SELFISHNESS? You are King, and you have responsibility over Narnia. Take care of her, of her people!" I turned away, not being able to bear the look of suffering, distress, and confusion capture his face.

"But…" his voice shuddered with emotion. "I thought that's why you returned: to be with me."

I took in a measured breath. _I had thought so, too._ I forced the tears not to fall. I had to be stern, hard, harsh…

"No, you thought wrong, your grace," the added iciness in my voice made my nails dig deeper into my palms.

"But the fact that you're _here_ again," he came and stood behind me. I felt his body heat. It took all my control not to lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder, to allow his arms to wrap around me and take me to oblivion.

"We're here on Aslan's mission, we didn't return because it was our choice," I turned and stared him down. He didn't look away.

"Susan, all I want to be is by your side," he took my hands in his. His touch felt so warm and true. I pulled away.

"I DON'T BELONG HERE!" I screamed at him, my throat beginning to sore from held back tears.

"I love you, and I know you love me," he persisted. "Tell me you love me."

I felt like I was caught in the headlights of an oncoming train.

"Make him un-love you," echoed Aslan's command. I wanted to throw myself off the tower, into the churning midnight sea.

"I do love you, Caspian," I coughed, emotions mixed between frustration and fear. _Now,_ came a voice. _Turn him away from you. Use any means. Do it._ I looked up, and Ramandu's Daughter was doing a wild gavotte in the heavens. _Turn him away_, she repeated.

"Ah," Caspian laughed, his smile widening with each stride he took toward me. "Now we can truly be together," he sounded ecstatic. I thought of the next words that were about to come, knowing I would shoot his happiness away as fast as it had arrived.

"No, we can never be," I stepped away from him. "For I have loved another far longer and deeper than I can ever love you. My time with him was in a Narnia that no longer exists to me." I saw his expression freeze as if I had shot an arrow through his gut. "He is General Orieus, a Centaur, and Captain of the Armies of Narnia of the Golden Age. Second-in-Command to High King Peter. Also," I took a deep breath, "my husband."

Caspian staggered. Then his expression changed little by little to anger.

"Then why did you kiss me?" he asked, his quiet tone carrying something upsetting.

I felt the train's headlights grow brighter and brighter. "I wasn't thinking clearly. You reminded me of him," I said softly. _I wish I never kissed you, Caspian!_ I thought bitterly, knowing that cry was untrue.

"So," he sounded unruly, "you kissed me because you saw a shadow of a memory in me." He snorted, shaking his head. "You majesty," he turned to face me, rebellion playing in his eyes. "You may have been queen, but that gives you no privilege to act in any way you please."

_Let him think I'm in the wrong,_ I thought. I closed my eyes and bowed my head to play the part. "I know."

"I am king. I will _not be_ _toyed_ with," he emphasized the words. I could hear the wound and ache in his voice. I chose to keep silent. I didn't look up until I heard his footsteps retreat and fade.

I made my own way to my chambers, exhausted both physically and emotionally.

"I'm sorry, Orieus, I used you tonight," I cried into my pillows. Dreams haunted my sleep, and Orieus was in them.

"You spoke of our love," his voice echoed from everywhere and nowhere all at once.

"But I used it to make Caspian hate me," I said into the darkness.

"He doesn't hate you," came a female voice. A bright flash came before me and there stood Ramandu's Daughter. "He has just come to realize that he has Narnia to think of instead of his selfishness."

"I don't want him to hate me," I whispered. "I do love Caspian. But I also love Orieus. I love them both, but in different ways."

"You loved me as a friend," said Orieus, his form finally coming into view. I ran to him, and he swept me up into his arms. I cried into his shoulder, never letting go.

"I'm so sorry!" I breathed. He set me down on the ground and bent his fore legs and hind legs so he was level with me. "I never meant to follow them on that White Stag chase…I never wanted to leave Narnia, to leave you behind," I hugged him again, his form hard and real against my chest.

"Not even the stars foretold that event," he said into my hair. Then he pulled away, stroking my hair and wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Dear one, I don't hold it against you that you have fallen in love with the young king."

"You should," I nodded, "be angry, tell me I'm wrong, that I'm immoral," I begged him. He only smiled and shook his head.

"I don't blame you, my queen. I have been gone from you side. It was only natural that the next male who you would deem worthy would capture your fancies."

"No! _I _was the one was gone from your side," I insisted, feeling irritated at Orieus' calm manner. He should be furious at me!

"Do not let past events ruin your future," he took my hand and placed it on the left side of his chest. "No matter what, Susan, in Narnia or in Aslan's Country, before you were my wife, you were always and will be my friend."

"Are you allowing me to love Caspian?" I asked, incredulous. My own husband saying this?

"I have been dead for hundreds of years. Do not let my ghost haunt your present."

"Why do you have to be the sacrificial victim of the mistakes I've done?" I lowered my head in shame.

"It's because I love you that much," he caressed my face. I pulled his hands up to my lips and kissed them.

"I cannot love Caspian," I said. "I've done what Aslan has asked me to do: I've made him un-love me. I'm a monster in his eyes."

"Perhaps only in Narnia," said Orieus. My brows furrowed.

"What do you mean?"I asked, but Orieus only stood up and made to join Ramandu's Daughter. "Wait! Don't go," I cried, reaching out for Orieus. He was slowly rising with the star, glowing in the same manner she was.

"I'll always watch over you, my queen, in this world and in yours," his voice was fading, echoing, until I heard it no more.

"Orieus!" I screamed, sitting up and stretching my arms out into empty air.

"Su, you have to lie down, you have a fever," came Lucy's quiet voice. The room was a blurry blob of mixed color. The sheets around me were red and white swirls. Only Lucy was in focus.

"Orieus," I repeated, searching her face. She sadly smiled and helped ease me back into bed.

"It's just a dream, Su," she said gently, wiping cold cloths against my forehead. I turned my gaze toward the open balcony windows, the stars' fiery waltz filling the sea-sky.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Author's Note:_**_ Hi, everyone! Thank you for reading and reviewing. I know this chappie is short. Writing time has been cut for the time being because of family visiting, errands, and basically the storm that's hit the country cut the electricity longer than expected. So that means cleaning up after what the storm literally dragged and dropped in. Hopefully the next chappies will be loooooonger. Thanks, everyone!_

**Chapter 9**

I didn't need to avoid Caspian anymore. It was he who made sure not to cross paths with me. Only when necessity called for it.

Like today.

Last night Aslan had come to the four of us Pevensies in a dream.

"It's time for you go return," said a white albatross. The four of us were standing on the shore, looking east, the sun appearing bigger than it usually was. The albatross' silhouette was lined with gold, its form receding, flying straight into the sunset.

So Peter had informed Caspian first thing in the morning of Aslan's message. And here we were, in the throne room, standing before the court as Caspian announced our departure.

I know I should have been paying attention to his speech, but my eyes wandered to where the four thrones should have stood. Instead, there were only four stone insignias representing our elements:

Edmund = Western Woods

Peter = Northern Skies

Susan = Southern Sun

Lucy =Eastern Sea

I saw nothing in front of around me. Not even Caspian's voice penetrated my thoughts. I felt like I was staring at two images of myself.

To my left was Queen Susan of the Horn, wife of Orieus. To my right was my present self, a little grown, but was I mature?

Queen Susan had been a woman but thought and acted in the way of a child: free, unbound, and honest. She loved those around her, and her deep affection to touch those closest to her heart, namely her siblings and her husband. She also allowed each day to take her, any new adventure and task set by Aslan she willingly followed and obeyed.

Susan of now wasn't as free anymore. She had tasted the bitter truth of knowing how anything could be taken away in a slap of a lion's paw. The husband she had, the world she knew, the kingdom she ruled had all been taken away. And in entering a different Narnia, she had fallen in love again, but had to let go of that love to save the kingdom, to save Narnia from a destruction that would have been inevitable if she had let her love for the king go unbridled.

I shivered, my images trembling then vanishing. My fever hadn't truly left me, but I didn't want to stay in bed. I knew we were leaving. I'd take care of this fever when we get back to England.

Suddenly Aslan's form came into the throne room through the wide arched windows facing the Eastern Sea. The white albatross alighted then transformed into the lion. All was hushed as the lion approached the dias.

"It is time, kings and queens," he addressed us. We nodded. I exchanged looks with Peter, knowing this must definitely be the ultimate last time we'd be in Narnia. We looked to where Aslan faced, and there, shimmering in the early morning light a watery curtain in the center of the aisle of the throne room. We peered through and we could see a familiar garden and house.

"Mother!" squeaked Lucy, recognizing the figure walking inside the kitchen. She was the first to step up to the curtain. On her way she pressed a hug into Aslan's mane, then curtsied to the king. Then she couldn't contain herself: she ran to hug him. The court "aww-ed" with a collective sigh, the scene of a little sister bidding farewell to an older brother. Next was Edmund, bowing to Aslan then shaking hands with Caspian. Then Peter, who knelt in front of Aslan, Aslan placing a paw on his left shoulder and breathing on his head. Then he stood in front of Caspian, nodded, clasped arms in the way kings do, then stepped through the curtain.

I slowly stepped up to Aslan. I got down on my knees and bowed. He blew a warm breath on me, dispelling any doubt or fear that had welled up since this morning. I couldn't even remember why I had felt scared in the first place. I stood up and smiled at him.

Then I stood in front of Caspian, my eyes on his boots. I curtsied.

_Don't look up, don't look up...don't –_

"My king?" I forced my eyes to look at him. I wished I had looked at him sooner. There was no trace of anger in his face.

"Yes, Queen Susan?" he lifted his chin slightly, not in the arrogant way, but in a waiting manner.

Ramandu's Daughter's dance filled my mind, the last images I had before I had fallen asleep.

"Call your son Rillian," I delivered her message. Caspian bowed his head in acknowledgement. Then I stepped through the watery curtain.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's Note: **__For inspiration, my background music is "Arwen's Song" from the OST of __Lord of the Rings_._ It also helped that the photos in the video were all of Arwen, so she's the older version of Susan that I pictured. Hope you like this chappie._

_I was also trying to picture how an English person would think of the American society. So, I don't intend to offend anyone by what I've written. I may not have it correct. Just a story, mind you. Saying sorry in advance if I accidently do offend anyone._

_Cheers!_

**Chapter 10**

My hair had grown, the tips brushing against my hips. I stared at my reflection, the lipstick poised, about to press upon my lips when Lucy burst into my room.

"Susan! Jill and Eustace are downstairs. Isn't that nice? After five years, they've come to visit. They're talking about Narnia!"

I looked at her winded form through the mirror. I rolled my eyes and gave her a look.

"Honestly, Lu, it's not ladylike to be running around the house and shouting like a madwoman," I placed the lipstick down on my dresser and turned to face her.

"I thought you'd ought to know," she quieted down, her brows furrowing. She looked at me and came closer, then let out a snort. "Is _this_ what you've been up to while in America?" she picked at my skirt, raising a brow at my nylons.

"What? It's the fashion, Lu," I faced the mirror again, lifting my hair up from my back, piling it up on my head and thinking. "I think I should cut my hair, or perm it… something that's up to date, not these boring locks," I let my hair cascade down my back, sighing. "I'll talk to Mum," I nodded.

"But your hair's beautiful," Lucy stroked my locks, running her fingers through it. "Why don't you plait and braid it like you used to before?"

"Before?" I caught her eye in the reflection.

"Back in Narnia, when we'd go hunting or riding. Your hair was always in a complicated coif. Even when it was down, it was beautiful. Minstrels sang about your hair," she smiled.

"Well, they don't sing about hair here unless it's a shampoo commercial," I stood up and went to the closet.

"Don't you want to hear what Jill and Eustace saw in Narnia? They're downstairs. They saved Rillian, Caspian's son from the Green Witch and –"

"That's _enough,_ Lucy," I glared at her. She stepped back, startled. "I don't want to hear anything about that place, or whatever king's on the throne, or what color witch is taking over," I violently started grabbing clothes off their hangers, frustrated.

"What's wrong?" Lucy asked, sounding hurt. "I thought you loved Narnia…"

"Right now, I have to find a dress that people at Aldo's ball won't laugh at," I shook the white dress I was holding. "Mum won't let me buy a new dress so I have to make do with her old junk. Agh!" I threw the dress on the bed. "Not being able to fit into the right crowds is like committing social suicide. So please, don't talk to me about childish fairytales and talking lions…where's that invitation?" I crouched on the floor, looking under my bed. I saw the sparkle of gold, the foil-seal of the card. I reached out to grab it.

"You're _horrible!"_ cried Lucy, the tears competing with her voice. I sat up on my haunches and looked at her.

"You want to know what's _horrible_?" I raised a brow at her, getting up on my feet. "Coming back from America, hoping to find a family who'll welcome me back and wonder how my college years there were. But no, everyone's still raving about fantasy-land Narnia and not once did you ask if I was fine there! Thank goodness for these invitations; the beach parties there are nothing compared to the stuffy old balls they hold here, but at least there are boys," I scoffed, marching into my closet. I heard Lucy's sobs increase, then her feet stomping out of my room, slamming the door behind her. I let out a pent up breath and sank to the floor.

I hadn't meant to be harsh. It just came out.

Five years ago Mum, Dad, and I left for America. It was supposed to be a vacation. Peter was with Professor Kirk studying medicine. Ed and Lu couldn't come because their term would open before the vacation had finished, so they were arranged to stay with our cousins, the Scrubbs.

While in America, I found a university that taught a course I liked and convinced Mum and Dad that I would stay with Uncle Henry and Aunt Fauna. They had agreed.

It was hard to fit in. Though I understood the words and language in school, American English was vastly different from British English. Miscommunication led to conflicts, arguments, and that led me to be alone most of the time. Many times I had cried myself to sleep. Many times had I picked up the pen, to tell my parents that I wanted to return to England, but one thing always stayed my hand: pride.

If I gave up, that would mean I lost. I had sounded so confident and full of conviction when convincing Mum and Dad I wanted to study there. I wasn't going to lose.

Another reason I wanted to study there was so I could be "out of Peter's shadow," so to speak. He, always acting high and mighty as if he were some high king on this side of the wardrobe. I hated it whenever he spoke down to me as if I wasn't just a year younger than he was.

Another was Ed and Lu. Their constant chatter and talk about Narnia was enough to send me to the gardens for solitude. I didn't want to hear anything about Narnia, because that would only remind of someone I could never have.

Lu mentioning his name just tipped me over the edge. I hadn't meant to burst out on her, but the surprise and shock was too strong for me to contain myself.

Caspian.

Rillian. Oh what a message. Ramandu's Daughter had wanted me to tell Caspian to call his son Rillian. That was the worst offense I had ever felt: informing the man I loved and wanted to be with to name his future son with another woman Rillian.

Also knowing that I would never enter Narnia again. It was final. The end.

_That's_ why I wanted to forget about Narnia. I wasn't going back anymore. I was just a queen in the history books now. Why pine and hope for something that was already sentenced to never be yours again? For all I knew, Caspian could be an old grandfather the minute I stepped back on earth. Narnian years do that.

I shook my head, prying myself out of my thoughts. I had to get dressed.

An hour later, I was ready, descending the stairs. I braced myself: I'd have to pass through the living room to get to the front door.

"Susan! Why don't you join us?" called Jill. They all turned to face me. I felt like a spotlight was on me. I didn't need to look at Lucy to see her hurt expression.

"I must decline, children, I have a ball to attend," I brought the invitation up and showed them.

"Children? Since when did you become as old as Mum?" joked Peter. I just rolled my eyes and proceeded to the front door.

"We're talking about Narnia," Eustace said excitedly. That made me stop.

_When I cried out for Aslan when I wanted a comforting voice in my dark dorm in America, where was he? Not even a single kindly dream or message to console me. And what has the name Caspian ever done for me during my college years? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! So don't expect me to come running back into Narnia with arms wide open. Narnia has failed me, therefore DOESN'T EXIST TO ME!_

My thoughts jumbled forth in my mind, but I kept my calm, even though all I wanted to do was shout at the five sitting happily in the living room discussing fantasies and talking beasts. No, I'd handle this like an adult. I'd do what my American friends taught me to do: laugh it off.

"Dear me, children, are we talking of a game?" I checked my reflection, fluffing my hair. I looked at the five, them staring at me like I had grown two heads. Perhaps I did. "Well, just make sure it won't go beyond your bedtimes." I pulled the door open, but not before I heard snippets of their conversation.

"What happened to her in America?" Jill sounded disgusted.

"Apparently," replied Ed in the same tone, "she grew up. A proper grown up indeed."

I quietly closed the door. Derek was waiting by a cab he had hailed. He held out an arm to me, and I accepted it, helping me into the cab.

"Ready for a night of dancing and swinging?" he asked, wagging his eyebrows up and down at me. I let out a forced smile and nodded.

"Absolutely," I said in the practiced way of sounding enthusiastic when really all I wanted to do was vomit. As the cab pulled away from the curb, the London scene played out before me.

Beach parties. I had loved them because I could go barefoot, run in the surf, enjoy the sunset, the way I had at Cair Paravel. But I had hated those beach parties, too. Because each time I looked up at the star-studded west-coast skies, I could not read the stars. These stars were alien, didn't dance, nor tell stories. Only pictures of mythological characters that were as real as a mirage. But then again I loved those stars.

Because none of them were Ramandu's Daughter.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's Note: **__thanks for the reviews!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Jack Lewis owns all of Narnia. This storyline is mine. Thanks!_

**Chapter 11**

_"Sometimes I get tired of trying to convince him that I love him and shall love him for ever. He pounces on my words like a barrister and twists them.'_

- Sarah (The end of the Affair}"

I pulled away from the crowds in the ballroom, stepping out into the balcony. The London skyline wasn't exactly the sea-crashing waves of the Golden Coast. Instead of warmth, the chilly gust of evening November blew at me. I gripped the railing, anger welling inside myself.

The evening was turning into a disaster. I had had enough of Derek's jealous rampages, him assuming that any lad or gentleman that spoke to me or I looked at had the intentions to steal me away. I wanted to scrape Derek out of my life for good. I knew his rants and anger episodes were disruptive and destructive.

One time he had broken a writing desk because he threw a chair against it when he thought his best friend was giving me the eye.

He was also one of the reasons my family and I always fought. They wanted me to leave him, find another suitor.

"You have plenty to choose from, Susan," Mother had said one night, looking tired and worried. "You don't have to put up with that brute."

"He's not a brute," I argued back, the living room filled only with me, Mother, and Father. Father had looked equally as disturbed, edgy with anger.

"You _will_ break your connections with that man," Father had warned. "Look how bothered your mother is," he came and sat next to Mother, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry if he upsets you," I apologized, "but I'm not leaving Derek."

"You dare defy me, young lady?" Father's voice had grown quiet. I could see his jaw muscles work at trying to contain his anger.

"I'm old enough to decide who to court me or not."

"You're a child!" boomed Father, standing up.

"I'm 20 years old!"

I let out a sigh, that memory fading into the dark corners of my mind. I didn't like Derek that much. Of course he was among the most eligible bachelors in London society, from a good family where money and businesses were concerned, and was handsome.

I stayed with him because he had allowed me to be "grown up." I met him right after I had returned from America. While everyone in my family still doted and talked to me as if I were a 12-year old, he looked at me as a young woman. He was my "guide" in the London society.

But that guide came with a price: his temper. Many girls had warned me of his angry outbursts, the reason a girl didn't last long with him. I knew I had to hold on to him. He was my ticket into the right social circles.

He was also vastly different from the king I had chosen to forget. In a way, Derek was a welcome distraction.

But distraction had turned into destruction. Even the reasons I had given myself to stay with him was waning in comparison to my reasons for leaving him. I couldn't take his attitude anymore. Not only was the relationship already stifling, the bruises along my upper arms were already an ugly array of blues, purples, and yellow-greens.

"Susan…Susan?" came a sing-song voice. I recognized Derek's voice. I looked in the other direction, looking for another way out of the balcony. "Where are you?" he taunted.

"Oh God," I whispered, quickly making my way to the other balcony doors leading to a different part of the house, away from the ballroom. I slipped out of my heels, reducing the likelihood he would hear which way I went. Picking up my skirts, I stealthily made my way through the house. Luckily I've been to many parties, so many of the house designs in London were similar. I soon found myself in the master library.

The smell of leather, cigar, and the tinge of wine permeated the air. The fireplace was lit, but no one was in the couch in front of the fireplace. I had expected smoke curling up from a lit cigar, that cigar held by some balding individual. But the room was empty.

I sat before the fire, warming myself. My skirts rustled around me. I looked at the grandfather clock in the corner.

9 PM.

I wanted to go home already. But leaving the ball without Derek, without an escort, was unheard of, something that was frowned upon. I'd have to wait out the party till 11 PM.

I lied down on the Persian rug, staring up at the dark unseen ceiling.

I had thought that if I immersed myself in this world, I'd forget about the pain the _other world_ had caused me. In trying to rid myself of the pain from Narnia, I had pushed even Peter, Edmund, and Lucy away from me. Just seeing them reminded me of Narnia. Of _him_.

How I _wanted so badly_ to forget it all!

Now I see that was folly. I had blindly run into this world's pain. From pain to pain. In the end, it still hurt.

I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm too tired. I could hardly breathe from the confusion I willingly buried myself in. How do I get out of this?

The doors of the library started to open. I sat up quickly, pulling my skirt away from my feet as I made to hide behind a Japanese divider. I crouched low, praying that whoever it was wouldn't look behind the divider.

"…history of our family, quite the bedtime story, really," a voice theatrically said, and then other voices spilled into the room. I heard their footsteps lightly plodding into the room, skirts swishing and evening shoes slapping against the warm wooden floors.

"Oh, do tell us, Cline," encouraged a female. "We do love stories." A chorus of agreement sounded.

"Well," began Cline, leading the group toward the farther end of the room. I could tell because their footsteps were growing faint, but Cline's voice was very much audible. "My father's ancestors weren't originally English. No, they were a dappled people from different coastlines, different waters."

"Mixed?" asked a male.

"Don't make us sound like the street dogs, but in a way, yes," said Cline. "Sea-faring brigands."

"Pirates!" gasped a female.

"But we were the rich kind," laughed Cline. "Just comes to say that piracy is not merely plundering and pillaging, but a skill, technique to be learned and mastered."

"You make it sound professional," said the same female.

"Oh it is, my lady. Also knowing how the seas move as if she were your woman, that's an art all in itself."

"How romantic!"

"So," a new voice came, "how was it that your ancestors settled in England? By chance? Choice?"

"Both, you can say," said Cline. "When the captain and his trusted council circle went missing when exploring an island just off the coast of Spain, the remaining crew thought to sail away, saying the island was cursed. The next time they saw land it was England, and they've stayed ever since."

"This captain, does he have a family here in England, too?" asked the same voice.

"No, his council and his women and their women were the ones who disappeared. Fearing the same would happen to the crew and their women, they sailed away. But from what the tales told of him, he was a great navigator of the seas, the seas very much his woman as his woman was his wife."

"I would have been a very jealous wife if I had been her," giggled another female. "What was his name?"

"The Pirate Cordoval Caspian II. Come now, the rest of the party will begin to wonder where the host is," Cline laughed. And so the Duke Aldo and his entourage left the library.

I remained motionless, remembering to breathe only when my chest started to ache with lack of air.

I slowly stood up and made my way toward the far wall where the group had stood in front of. It was a painting of a ship at bay. What made me gasp in surprise was the eight-edged compass-star, the centerpiece of the coat of arms of the Aldo clan. I reached up a hand and ran my finger along the canvass.

I had seen this before.

On Caspian's shield.

Pulling my hand away, I wanted to cry with frustration. I knew it was useless. His memory would haunt me wherever I went. There was no escape.

Orieus had set me free, allowing me to love anyone I chose to. He wasn't angry at me. He truly was a friend. Perhaps the only fond being I treasured from Narnia.

But Caspian? He represented the side of me which I could never become again. I could never love any man the way I had loved Caspian. So it seemed Orieus had been right: Orieus could never love me in the way a human husband could.

"I hate it when you're right," I whispered. I could almost hear Orieus' chuckle, something I thought I had forgotten an eon ago. I stared up at the coat of arms again, a strange pull, a magnetic force propelling me forward. I stood just a few centimeters away from the painting, the enormity of it taking up an entire wall.

I looked up, rubbed my eyes and shook my head. This couldn't be! The painting…it was moving!

The ship was gentling rolling back and forth on the waters of the bay. The full moon's glow was a bright beam of white light, bathing the ship and its crew in milky radiance. The sails were sleepily swaying in the breeze. I could even hear the slap of the waters against the hull of the ship.

But what made my eyes widen in fear were the stars. They were dancing, and showing a scene. The stars might as well been a group of lighthouses flaring all at once. This was clearly a dance of danger, distress, of torment. Ramandu's Daughter was not among the stars.

What was happening?

_You will be left behind._

Left behind? From what? I wanted to ask the stars what they meant, but then I realized the cold truth: they couldn't read my thoughts, they couldn't hear me. These Narnian stars were in the Narnian sky. I was in London. They can't even see me! But then, how was it that they could communicate this message to me?

_Everyone that you love will leave you. But the one you left behind will be the one to take you._

Those stars! Their messages could mean _anything!_

"Perhaps you should stop trying to interpret what they say but rather _listen_ to what they say."

I squeaked in fear as I spun to face the voice. It was an old man, the old man I had been imagining who would have been sitting in front of the fireplace when I entered. Oh boy, my imagination has run away, and now it had a voice!

"I am not your imagination, and of course I have a voice," the old man chuckled. I stepped back and felt wall hit the back of my heel.

_Ow!_ I cursed under my breath. The old man stepped closer to the painting and sighed deeply.

"Beautiful night," he mused, regarding the painting.

I kept silent. Who was this? Then his words sent a shock through me.

"What did you mean about the stars?" I blurted. He turned and smiled at me.

"With the sort of training you received to read stars, I would think you wouldn't doubt your intuition," he said calmly.

"Training?" I felt my lips go dry. I could feel my knees shaking, as if they knew the next words would send me to the floor.

"I think your husband would be most disappointed if he found out that you've been neglecting your training," his grandfatherly face showing concern. "But then again you do have a justification: the stars in this world don't dance."

"Oh my –" I sank to the floor, my back pressed hard against the wall. I stared in horror at the old man as if he had pierced a sword through my chest. "Who _are_ you?" I shook.

"My child," he crouched down to my level, his smile of kindness and concern never wavering. "It's time you came home."

"Home?" I mouthed, my voice not working. I hugged my knees.

"Yes, to my country."

"What do you mean?" my voice croaked. Fear was gripping my lungs, making it hard to breathe.

"To the land beyond the Great Eastern Sea, beyond the Silver Sea, beyond the Eastern Edge of the World. But," he stood up and looked at the painting again. "Before you can join the rest, a task before you, you must carry out."

"Task?" I scoffed. "Isn't what this entire existence on earth is? A never-ending painful task," some of my fear was replaced with anger. Who was this old man to talk me so?

"Let not your anger take hold of you, dear one," he said. He was the image of a sage, a wise man with his circular bifocals balanced on the bridge of his nose, his balding head reflecting the shimmery light of the fireplace and unearthly flare of the stars from the painting. "Find him."

"Excuse me?" I edged away.

"He has entered your world. But now he must return before the doors in which he can enter my country are closed off to him forever. Find him, Susan, to save him, and to save yourself."

"First of all, sir," I shook my head. "Who is _he_? And what country are you talking about?"

"_Listen_ to the stars, Susan," he took hold of my shoulders. The way he said my name sounded so familiar it was scaring me. I turned to the stars.

_The Navigator King has left this world. His descendents rule Narnia. The Navigator entered the world of the kings and queens of old, allowed by the Great Lion._

"Caspian's here?" the words clogged my throat. How could that _be_? That was impossible!

_The Great Lion has placed the queen on the task to find the Navigator._

The Great Lion has placed –

"Oh dear God!" I backed away from the painting, my eyes searching the library, searching for the old man. But it was empty. "Aslan."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The entirety of the dance the stars revealed through the painting was dizzy-fying, enough to make me feel green to my stomach. Even though I very much wanted to pull my gaze away from the pirate ship, from the night skies of _that_ world, my eyes wouldn't allow me. I felt as if hypnotized to the spot, my feet not moving. The only thing I seemed to be allowed to do was breathe.

Once the dance was finished, the grip that had stilled me through the entire message released me, and I fell backwards into the floor. I was shaking so bad I couldn't breathe properly. I had to get home!

But not with Derek, oh please not with him!

I looked around, remembering that I was in a library, and so there must be a telephone in here somewhere. I forced my legs to work and hold me up as I made my way toward the large cedar table. On the left side of the desk was the telephone. I picked up the receiver and worked the numbers. I got an answer on the fifth ring.

"Hullo?"

"Ed! Oh thank goodness," I quaked.

"Su? Are you alright?" Edmund's voice sounded quick and worried. "Where are you?"

I gasped for breath. If I were in his place I wouldn't have asked those concerned questions. The memory of the way I had spoken to them earlier was painfully burned into my forethoughts. Lu was right: I _am_ horrid!

"Su?" repeated Ed.

"I'm still at the Aldo Manor. Ed," I whispered, remembering to keep my voice low, "come and get me, please? I…I don't feel very well. And I don't want to go home with Derek."

"Did he do something to you?" I could already imagine Ed's face twist into anger. His question struck me. I put a hand on my upper arm, not having to see the bruises to know they were very much real.

"Nothing I couldn't handle," I said in a joking manner. Ed didn't buy it.

"Pete and I will be there in a jiff. Ten minutes, tops," he promised.

"I'll sneak out. Do hurry," and then I replaced the receiver. I picked up my heels where I had left them, right in front of the painting. The stars flashed again before the painting finally grew still.

_You will be left behind. _

Left behind, a task only for me… I was truly alone in this endeavor. I made my way to the front of the manor through a different route, the servants' halls. Luckily the servants were all so busy serving at the ball their halls were empty.

Before entering the ballroom, I slipped my heels on again. I smoothed my hair out, straightened my dress, then with head held high and a social smile in place, I pushed through the doors of the servants' quarters and stepped into the stream of guests. I had learned how to wade through crowds, and was soon at the front doors where the footmen were helping me into my coats. I stood outside, the yellow ballroom chandelier lights spilling onto the dreary steps outside. My breath rose into a cloud of smoke only once when suddenly a cab stopped in front of the manor. Ed got out of the passenger's seat while Pete came out of the backseat.

Without looking back I crossed the space between the front doors and cab, got in the back of the cab as Pete closed the door. Ed directed the cab in a zigzag of streets as precaution to throw off any pursuers, most notably Derek.

Pete didn't say a word. He only held out a hand to me. I looked at it, then at him, then without explaining or thinking, I immediately hugged Pete the way I did years ago whenever Mother and Father were out all night for social functions and we were left with the nanny. Pete always found me crying in my room, crying out for Mother, begging her not to go to those balls, those horrid grown-up balls that kept her away from me. Pete would tell me grown-ups do what they had to do, and children do what they had to do.

"What do they do?" a five-year old I had asked a then six-year old Pete.

"Face their fears and act bravely," he had nodded, a hard look of determination on his face. "I'm your big brother, Su. Ed and I won't let anyone harm you, ever," he spoke of the then three-year old Ed, asleep in his and Pete's room just across the hall. He would then sit on my bed and give me a hug, not letting go until I said I was also as brave as he was.

Pete seemed to have his thoughts run the same course as mine, for he rested his chin on my head and whispered, "How brave do you feel now?"

My normal response would have been, "As brave as you are." But tonight, I wasn't feeling that at all. I only buried myself into his shoulder more, whispering, "Not brave at all."

The cab stopped in front of our house. Ed had informed me that Jill and Eustace were staying for the week. I felt even more rotten for the way I had treated them. I was definitely going to be walking on eggshells for the next days.

I made it to my room, but not before Ed called my attention. I turned and faced him.

"What is it?" I whispered, not wanting to wake the others.

"Remember Calormen? Remember Rabadash?" he ask-whispered. I was about to shake my head in denial when suddenly images of turbans, deserts, stinging colors, curved swords, and slaves crashed into my consciousness. Then a deep-colored skinned man who had an evil look as well as an evil smell about him formed within my mind's senses.

I halted the images and looked at Ed sharply. "What of them?"

"Archenland and Narnia were nearly grappled at the neck because of him, because of his lust for you," he didn't sound like Edmund Pevensie from Finchley, London, but as a high royal noble. "A _war_ nearly started between our closest allies because of that uncivilized slave-drenched ruler. Have you forgotten that _that war_ was because of him wanting you, the very same way Derek wants you?"

I flinched. Ed's words hit a sore spot. His words did ring true. But how I had _forgotten!_ I had truly forgotten. Even more shame was finding its way to me. Shame upon shame!

I'm not Susan the Gentle. I'm Susan the Shameful!

"How cruel, brother," I sniffled, feeling the first prick of tears. "You bring back to me of these events."

"To remind you the reason we fought in the first place: to protect your honor. To preserve the right that all Narnians are _free_," he came and stood in front of me. "You may have scoffed at us earlier, pushed us away, and even lashed out at us for mentioning Narnia, generalizing our entire experiences there as _childish games_," he shook his head. "But the issues and wars we dealt with while there were _most definitely not the toils of children_. They were very much adult."

I turned my head away, the consuming burn of humiliation wrapping around me. Of all of us, not Peter's shouted reprimands nor Lucy's ecstatic talk could bring me to humility more than Ed's calm and just words.

"Ed," my voice cracked. I tried forming the words, but each time I tried to sound them out, my face twisted and my throat threatened to release a sob. "I-I found something out tonight, but I have to sort it out on my own – don't worry," I cut him off as he prepared to argue back. "I heard you: I'm not going anywhere with Derek, nor am I going to leave the house for a while." He let out a relieved snort. "That analogy of Derek to Rabadash did jog my memory." I left out the fact that my upper arms were colored with Derek's fingerprints. Ed, along with Pete and Su would have most definitely chased after Derek with the sharpest objects they could find and hunt him down like a Dumb Beast of Calormen.

"Finally you're talking _some_ sense," Ed smiled. I hugged Ed. "Promise you'll tell me whatever it is you found out, once you've gotten it all straightened out, whatever it is?" he squeezed me to reply.

"Yes," I pulled away.

"No lies?"

"None, brother," I smiled. He nodded in satisfaction. He let me go and I entered my room. In the darkness, the memory of the stars whirled in my mind. Their message was simple, yet it was a great feat to accomplish.

_King Caspian X has died. With the Great Lion's will, his majesty has entered the world of the kings and queens of old. The Great Lion has put the queen on the task to find King Caspian X The Navigator._

_The Last Battle of Narnia draws near. The Navigator __must__ be there when the doors to the Great Lion's country opens. _

_The Seven Friends will be with The Navigator in being moved into Narnia._

_The Queen of the Horn must be left behind._

_Inkling as to where The Navigator is to be found: where he sees best._

The message was all so confusing. This list, this task…

"…the task which the stars have bid will not be as you think at first. Pay less heed to appearances but more to the implication…" the soft, rumbling, wild yet tame distant voice echoed.

"Where he sees best," I repeated. I looked out my window. No stars shone tonight; the London fog draped around the city like a heavy, oppressive woolen shawl.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Author's Note:**__ Hello, everyone! First I would like to say my apologies for not updating as planned. Crossing time zones and getting used to a new body-clock is wrecking havoc on my thinking process. That plus having moved back in with family after college, which means back to the basics of "chores-list" and "babysitting baby brother." So please be uber patient with me. Many thanks to all! Cheers!_

**Chapter 13**

My books were my constant companions, specifically my astronomy college texts. That was my course in the American university. It was a love-hate relationship. I loved it because the facts, numbers, and scientific explanations grounded me, giving me a sense of reality and permanence. I hated it because I was dealing with cosmic entities, something _out of this world_, which dangerously reminded me of another place that was also _out of this world_. So I buried myself in the mathematical and scientific aspect of astronomy, which made me a constant target to those nerdy-geeky boys who thought it was "awesome" and "hot" that a "babe" like me was interested in math and science.

But now I approached these books for a different reason. I locked myself up in my room for days, scanning and re-reading each book and text I possessed. What was I looking for?

"Where he sees best," I repeated. I flipped through pages, uncertainty and fear rising. See what? The stars? I leafed through the indexes, searching for entries that consisted of "astronomy towers" and "star-gazing sites." After making a list, I looked at it and shook my head.

"These places will take me across the globe! I don't have that kind of money," I lamented. From China to South America, to the northern Irish isles to India, city after historical city spoke of star watch towers and the ancient culture of star-gazing. It would take me years to go to each city, let alone come up with the money to travel to these places.

I closed the book and lied down on my bed. How will I ever find Caspian on this earth?

_Knock-knock!_

"Susan?" came the muffled voice through the door. I sat up and opened the door.

"Hi, Lu," I gave her an embarrassed half-smile. She didn't return it.

"This came for you in the mail, from that Lord Aldo person," she handed an envelope with my name on it. Lord Aldo. It was at his house where I discovered the Telmarine ship painting.

"Thanks," I took it. "Lu," I called to her as she walked away. She turned. "I'm sorry, for the way I acted and spoke to you the other night. I was wrong." I saw Lu narrow her eyes at me, a shade of uncertainty crossing her face. When she didn't say anything, I continued. "That's all I wanted to tell you." When I made to step back into the room and close the door, Lucy suddenly pushed through and hugged me. I couldn't help but start crying along with her.

"I knew that was just grown-up talk," she laughed as she pulled away. I wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Perhaps," I smiled. "It's just…when you mentioned that place, it brought up issues I thought I had buried long ago. I guess some things don't die so easily."

"Not Narnia," agreed Lucy, hugging me tighter. "Not Aslan, not ever!"

"Girls!" came Mother's voice from downstairs. "Dinner's on!"

"Come on, wipe your face, you silly goose," said Lucy, imitating my tone and voice. "Mother will think we had an argument or something."

"Yes, sister," I brought the back of my hand against my cheeks. I checked the mirror hanging in the hall as we passed it, making our way downstairs to the dining room.

Later that night sleep wouldn't come. The question in location as to where Caspian could be still wrecked my thoughts.

According to what Lucy told me from what she heard from Jill and Eustace's tale, Caspian had come through to our world with Aslan. She said it was supposed to be for five minutes only. But how did it turn into years?

Aslan wouldn't have let him stay unless he allowed it, right? Unless Caspian was on a mission here, too, the way we Pevensies were on a mission in Narnia. But what could he possibly need to do on this side of the wardrobe?

My eyes rested on the invitation on my table. I opened it.

_His Lordship, The Duke Cline of Aldo, cordially invites you to his engagement party, to be held in his rest-house in the floating city of Venezia, Italy_.

I set the paper down. Of course, Cline was the fiancé of my childhood friend Alicia Grunhald. But of all places, why Italy? That's something I'd have to ask Cline. I looked at the date. The departure was set five days from now. I had already informed Mother and Father, that the trip was to be fully chaperoned, and the best part was it was an all-expense paid trip. Literally a free vacation!

"Oh, might as well put this excursion into good use," I sighed as I opened my books again to search for star-gazing cites and astronomy towers in Venice.

What I expected was to be disappointed, for there weren't any notable places where star-gazing and astronomy towers were located in Venice. But instead of disappointment, I felt the sharp slap of realization.

What if it wasn't a star-gazing site that I was supposed to look for? Not even a tower! What if it was an object? A location of an object?

"Where he sees best," I whispered as I looked down at the photograph of St. Mark's Clock. I had read about astronomical clocks. It told of astronomical information, predicted positions of the sun, moon, the planetary movements, displayed the twelve zodiac signs and even predicted eclipses via the "dragon hand" of the clock. Could it be that he realized the stars in this world did not behave the same way Narnian stars did, and therefore sought a way to "read" them?

"You're throwing a lot to chance, Susan," my scientific side hissed. "And there are _many_ astronomical clocks located in the world: Denmark, Germany, Poland, Croatia –"

"This is a starting point!" I cut myself off. I knew reason was trying to discourage me. But from my adventures in Narnia, sometimes reason wasn't always the smartest or wisest voice to listen to. "Long ago have I learned that events take place not for our convenience, but rather for a deeper purpose." I picked up the invitation again. "Cline Aldo…his forefathers were companions of Caspian's forefathers…"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

My search did start in Venice, and then took me to see the world. Each city held a hope, a promise, knowing that I was somehow closer to finding Caspian. But after leaving each city, the voice of reason kept trying to send me home, kept trying to tell me my search was useless.

A year and a half I had spent away from London, away from family, away from anyone I knew.

Duke Aldo had become more than a friend. He, along with Alicia, had agreed to finance my excursions. A year and a half ago, a night in Venice, I told them the story of Narnia, and how I had come to the conclusion that Caspian was a distant relative to Duke Aldo, and is now on this earth.

"I have to find him, before it's too late for him to return home."

Duke Aldo stood up, paced toward the fire place then faced me and Alicia. "I know the feeling of sailing on endless seas, no direction, no wind… it's an intimidating and menacing feeling that one should not experience. For a sailor, it's a death sentence." He extended his hand to Alicia, which she took and stood next to him. "Until I met my North Star, my guide into safe harbors, to land once again," he smiled at his wife, his gaze never leaving her face.

I looked away. Was that how Caspian had felt when he first landed on earth? But, why would he want to enter earth? When _his_ star was part of the Narnian universe? His wife, Ramandu's Daughter.

"From your stories," continued Duke Aldo, looking at me, "he married a star, yes, but perhaps, _she_ wasn't his North Star, but someone else."

I frowned at him. "What conclusions are you coming to?"

"He bowed down to duty, to the protocol and laws of his throne, crown, and of this Aslan, and married this intended Daughter of Ramandu" nodded Duke Aldo. "But a heart that loves, _that_ will never bend to any other will than its own. Susan," he sat down, gently pulling Alicia down to sit next to him. "He came here to find you."

"That's quite presumptuous," I stood up and faced the window, the moonlit _Canale Grande_ a sapphire shimmer beyond the glass. "All I've ever given him is pain."

"Something he would gladly endure if that meant he would be by your side," said Duke Aldo. "And, if this distant cousin is who you say he is, he will continue to sail the seas and cross lands until he does find you."

"But he knows I come from London! Then he should have looked there –" I suddenly stopped, gasping in realization. "I was in America. Oh…" I turned to face them, unease spreading inside me.

"Then you should find him there," said Duke Aldo.

"That's a vast place!" I fell back into my chair, overwhelmed.

"Then, all the sooner should you find him. If money is your concern, dear cousin, that is not an issue," smiled Duke Aldo.

"Cousin?" I repeated.

"Well, I expect a happy ending from the both of you," nodded the Duke. "And do bring the chap around when you do find him, to see that he does indeed carry the seas in his blood!"

"You presume too much," I couldn't help but smile.

"Ah, but that is our trademark, is it not, dear wife?" he turned to Alicia.

"Only too true, you seadog," she laughed, planting a kiss on his cheek.

Venice faded from my eyes as my vision rearranged itself into the seaside town of where I had attended university in America. My journeys across Europe and America did not give me any clue as to where he was. I attempted to follow the trail of locations of astrological clocks, most of them located in Europe. I had to come to America, if he had indeed caught wind that I had studied here.

I glanced at the note held in my hand. It was from Mother, asking me to come home.

_What are you doing with your life? All these travels, and for what? What are you searching for?_

"Oh, Mother," I sighed. "You'd never understand. I'm in love with a king, and he's lost in this world. I have to find him before it's too late." I hugged myself against the cold gust of sea wind. The Golden Coast, or else known as California, had one of the most beautiful coastlines I'd ever seen. Virgin, clear, and unpopulated on this hidden cove of the beach, it did remind me of the shores of Cair Paravel.

Later that night I wrote back to Mother, agreeing that I would come home for a visit. After that, I'd continue my search for Caspian.

I just prayed that time, both on earth and in Narnia, favored my side, but I knew it was very much the opposite.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Author's note:**__ Hi, everyone! Fevers are those unexpected moments where the Muse can really attack you. So yeah, while bedridden and 38.3°C hot, the following "splurges of thoughts" came to me. Honestly, it was like someone stuck a DVD into my mind and these scenes just played out in front of me (or rather behind my eyelids). There was a time when I had a fever and I had a nightmare that I was stuck in a scene from __Gone With the Wind__, where a southern ball (those parties where all the ladies wear those endless-fluffy dresses with hoops underneath) was taking place, and I was stuck in a sea of those ladies, and I was trying to get to the stairs but it just kept getting further and further (think Alice in Wonderland Disney version when Alice is trying to get at the Door to get out when really she's already outside so she has to get in instead, and finds her sleeping self so she has to wake herself up…confusion, sorry, ok back to it). Sooooooo, anyway, here's chappie 15. Sorry for the delay! Cheers!_

**Chapter 15**

Arriving home wasn't what one expected. Instead of the kisses, hugs, and "how-are-you's," it was battle enough getting through the front door.

Mother and Father were at the front lines, arms crossed and faces equally as crossed, demanding on whose paycheck I was on to finance my "gallivants around the globe." I gave them a hasty "hello" as I pushed past them. What was I going to say? The truth was out of the question.

Next came Ed and Lu. Without a word they each took a suitcase and helped me up to my room. Once the door was closed behind us, I sat on my bed and rested my face in my palms.

"Su? Where have you been?" asked Lucy, sitting next to me, the bed dipping with her weight.

"We don't hear a word from you for almost a year, and then suddenly you're in America?" said Ed. I lifted my eyes to face him. He must have seen the tired look on my face because his tone softened. "Can't you tell us what you've been up to?"

I raked my face with my fingers and stood up, letting out an annoyed sigh.

"I wish I could tell you," I faced them both. "Even _I'm_ not so sure with what I'm doing, if it's just some wild goose chase I'm doing," I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. How long was I supposed to search for Caspian in this world? What if I run out of time? _Lion's Mane…_

"We could help," offered Lucy. I smiled at her through the reflection.

"I wish you could," I looked down. "But –"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

My door swung open and in came in Mother, her face all flushed and angry. She was holding up a letter. The turquoise-gold seal flashed in the late afternoon light.

"What is the meaning of this, Susan?" she demanded. She threw the letter on my table. "Am I right to assume that the Duke of Aldo has been spending money on your travels?" I inwardly groaned. I had forgotten that Clive said he was going to send me the financial reports when I returned to London. "You got that gentleman to pay for your fares? What did you do? Seduce him?"

"Mother!" I screamed, taken aback that she would say such a thing. "I would never –"

"Would you?" she yelled back. "I don't know what you've been up to for the past year and a half; God knows what _else_ you've been doing."

Mother and I must have been mirror images, our faces fuming, our brown hair out of their clips, hands clenched and jaws taught. But there was one thing that set us apart: Mother started crying.

"You don't trust me," I whispered, backing away.

"Should I? By running away and then –"

"I _didn't_ run away, Mother," I said through gritted teeth. "I was with Clive and Alicia in Venice, which was the truth."

"But after that? Not a word, not a letter, nothing!" she raked her fingers through her hair, her pins clattering to the floor. She pressed her lips into a thin line, a sign that she was near breaking point.

"I had to! Because I knew you'd never let me go," I sobbed, pushing past her, running down the stairs.

"Susan, you get back here!" Mother shouted after me.

"I'm not a child anymore, Mother! I'm grown-up! I can get along just fine," I stomped down the steps but Mother grabbed my upper arm with such a force it caught me off guard.

"I will not let you go out and hurt yourself! Nor bring shame to this family in whatever stunt you decide to pull next," she hissed through clenched teeth.

I pried her fingers away, matching her glare with my own glare.

"Don't worry, Mother," I fought my tears, anger washing them away. "I'd rather die first than see the Pevensie name tainted."

_Slap!_

I spun from the power of Mother's hand, the sting spreading from my left cheek to all over my face. Only when did my eyes register that I was facing the dining room did I realize that Peter wasn't alone.

Seated with him were two elderly people. The man I recognized as an aged Professor Kirk. The other was an unknown old lady.

"Su?" Peter stood up and walked to me, taking hold of my shoulders, steadying me. I saw him glance at Mother then back at me. "You're home."

"Not for long," I cried, my mouth twisting in pent up sobs. I pulled away from him and made my way for the front door.

"_Susan Pevensie_," Mother warned in a quivering tone, "set one foot out of this house and you will never set foot in this house again."

"_You must find him..." _echoed the voice that haunted my dreams. My hand rested on the door knob, the metal seeming to burn my palm. I looked back at them, at Mother, at Peter, and at the two elderly people.

"That's a threat I'll have to take, Mother," I said, lifting my chin with a courage I didn't feel at all, turned the knob, and raced out of the house and into the harsh London society.

I kept running, ignoring the stares I got as I barged through the throngs of people. I swiped the backs of my hands against my cheeks countless times. I raced through the streets and stopped at the familiar manor house of the Aldo's.

I rang until the door opened and presented Alicia.

"Susan!" she gasped then pulled me inside. The house was quiet except for my sobs. She led me to the study room where we had privacy. "Welcome back to London, but – good gracious what happened!"

"Mother got the letter from Cline before I did," I blubbered. Alicia clicked her tongue and shook her head.

"That oaf! I told him not to," she patted my back and handed me a tissue. "You need not ask. You're staying here until this blows over."

"I've been officially banned from returning home anyway," I attempted a smile but it came out as a twisted sob. I blew my nose and then took a deep breath. "Oh, Alicia, I'm _so_ tired! Maybe this whole Narnia business is just all children's stories…"

"No, Susan," Alicia took my arm and squeezed it. "Don't give up on Narnia! Look, you traveled the _world_ to search for him, and now you're just going to drop it like this?" Alicia looked scandalized.

"Perhaps there's a reason I didn't find him. Maybe I'm not meant to," my fingers crisscrossed each other on my lap. "Oh I don't know, Alicia. For one night, you think I could spend it _not _thinking about anything Narnia-related?"

"Of course," Alicia smiled, hugging me. "I'm sorry for being insensitive. You _do_ need rest. You look like you ran wild along a mountainside chased by lions – oh sorry! I mean –" she covered her mouth, guilt sketched across her face.

"It's fine," I just shook my head, working on a smile, "I understand what you meant."

"Come," she pulled me up to my feet and led me upstairs to the guest bedroom. "Stay as long as you need. Would you like me to turn away any visitors if ever they come searching for you here?"

"Please," I nodded.

"Even if it's your family?"

"Yes."

"Even if it's your sister and brothers?"

I kept silent for five seconds.

"Most especially them."


	16. Chapter 16

_**Author's Note: **__Hi, everyone! It's near, it's almost done. Agh, I hate saying that, but like all stories, it must have a beginning, a middle and… an end. I hate good-byes! No, this chappie isn't the last one. _

_*sigh* It's just such a bother that my copy of __The Last Battle__ is in my library halfway across the world. So now, I'll have to rely on memory and some researched web pages (namely wikinarnia, thanks so much!) to jog my memory on what happened. In short, forgive me if there are discrepancies with the events in the books with the events in this fanfic. Again, many thanks for reading and reviewing. Cheers!_

**Chapter 16**

Thankfully no one barged through the doors demanding that I return home. No, they came through the window.

"Susan!" hissed a voice. The noise made me sit up so fast my head spun. In the dim dark twilight, I could make out three figures. I didn't need a torch light to figure out who they were.

"Ed! Pete, Lu," I got out of bed, kicking the covers away and padding toward them. With the moonlight, I could see their faces. "You could get sued for breaking and entering!"

"Is that what they do in America?" laughed Lucy. I glared at her. "Have you forgotten who you're talking to? They've broken into a castle once," she giggled.

"I'm serious," I insisted.

"So are we," said Peter. "Susan, we just got a message from Narnia. It was a Narnian King calling for help. We saw him this evening while at dinner."

"At _dinner_?" I squeaked. "With Mother and Father –"

"No, they were out," said Ed, sitting down at the bay seat. "We had dinner with Sir Diggory and Ms. Polly."

When I didn't reply, Peter supplemented. "The two people you saw with me in the dining room."

"Oh," was all I could say. "I'm sorry they had to see that horrid display." I sat down on a chair. Peter and Lucy sat down next to Edmund. "How's Mother?"

"A mess," sighed Lucy. "That's why they went out. Father went to cool her head with a walk. It was a long walk, meaning a lot of cooling to do," Lucy looked at me. "Why did Duke Aldo pay for your travels, Su?"

As I paced the room, I hugged myself. "There are just some things I needed to do. I can't explain them now, but I will later."

"Later?" Peter stood up and forced me to look at them. "Su, what are you keeping from us?"

"It's not life-threatening, if that's what you're getting at," I assured Peter. "I just can't talk about it."

"_Why_?"

"Because I _can't!_ Gob, can't you _understand _that?" I backed away, frustrated. I was torn. Half of me wanted to spill the secret quest Aslan had put me on, but the other half was equally as loud. In Aslan's voice it said, _speak of this to no one._

"Alright, Su, we won't pressure you to tell us," said Ed, coming between me and Peter. "That's not why we came here."

"Then what?" I asked.

"What Pete said. A Narnian King called for help."

"_Narnian King?_" my jaw dropped. Could it be him? He was back in Narnia? Then my search was _in vain_?

"He didn't look like anyone we knew. His garments were different, too, and he looked very young. He was tied to a tree," explained Edmund. "Narnian years must have fast-forwarded into thousands, maybe. The point is we've decided to answer his call."

I turned away and let out a silent sigh of relief. So it _wasn't _Caspian. It was a different king, one of his descendents. Carrying his and Ramandu's Daughter's blood –

_Stop it, Susan! Now isn't the time to think of such things_. I faced them again.

"How do you plan in doing this?"

"Professor Kirk is thinking of a plan. We thought we'd fetch you, knowing you'd want to be in on the adventure," said Peter.

"But Pete, you heard what Aslan said: we can't enter Narnia again. We're too old, whatever that means," I scoffed.

"We can't enter through _his_ will, but Sir Diggory might know a way to enter Narnia through _our_ will, so to speak," said Ed, excited.

"You mean to enter Narnia against Aslan's edict," I said. I shook my head, "Of all people, I thought you'd be the most accepting of his decision, Ed, and now you're going off finding a way to defy him?"

"'Defy' is a strong word, Su," said Ed. "Besides, this king needs our help! We can't just ignore him."

"C'mon, Su," said Lucy, taking my hand. "Let's go. We all want to see Narnia again. This is our chance to go home again." She tugged me toward the window. Pete and Ed were already climbing out. I locked eyes with Lucy. I didn't have to shake my head or say a word. She understood. "You're not coming…" she sounded wounded.

"I'm sorry," I could feel my eyes water. I saw Pete and Ed turn, staring at the two of us. Pete stepped back into the room, gently took Lu and handed her to Ed. Pete turned to me, his face stern and vexed.

"_Su_, what are you _doing_?" he took my shoulders and shook me.

"Quit that!" I shoved his arms away. "I'm not some five year-old anymore, alright? I'm not going with you."

"C'mon, _Suzy_," pleaded Pete. I closed my eyes, forcing the tears back. That was the nickname Pete called me when we were little, when it was just us in the nursery, and I was scared of the dark. Not even Mother of Father called me that. Only Pete.

"Oh no, you don't," I shook my head. "That nickname isn't going to make me buck like it did the past times you used it on me."

Suddenly Pete's expression turned hard, his jaw taut, the nerve at his neck twitching. "Susan, if you don't come with us now, you won't have another chance at returning to Narnia _ever_ again."

I barked out a harsh laugh. "What? Are you threatening me like Mother did?" I heard Lu wail, which was muffled by Ed who gently hid her face in his chest. Ed's expression wasn't angry; it was calculating, trying to piece together why my actions were so. _Please, Ed, please don't figure it out! Play along and think I don't want to go with you, please!_

"I'm not _threatening,_" he emphasized. "I'm point-blank telling you that you will be excluded from the voyage back."

"Hah!" I coughed. "Point-blank? Exluded? Sounds pretty much like a _threat_, _Peter,_" I narrowed my eyes at him.

Peter stepped back, held his chin high, and looked down at me. "Susan Pevensie," his voice now sounded distant and deep. "You are no longer a friend of Narnia."

His words hurt like multiple hornets' stings. He only used that tone of voice when he was dismissing someone from court. And now he was using it on me. It was a slap that it came from Peter, but a tiny voice was telling me that only one being was capable of making such a judgment, and it wasn't Peter. I knew my next words were going to turn all of them, especially Peter away, but I had to say it…or else they'd never leave and go on their own quest.

Summoning the all scorn and anger I possessed, I faced Peter, chin up and spat, "Who made _you High King_ on this side of the wardrobe? Go, go on your little journey and dare Aslan's will. Let's see who the fool between us is."

They left as silently as they came. I dared not turn. One look at Ed and he'd know I was lying through my teeth. One look at Lu and she'd know I was just playing with words to get at Pete's nerves. I didn't have to worry about Pete; he took my words to heart.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

I didn't sleep a wink, but visions plagued my thoughts. Visions that had been foretold in previous dreams.

_You will be left behind…_

So they had to leave me behind. I had to push them away, or else the prophecy wouldn't come true. Only then by them leaving me behind would I be closer to finding Caspian.

"So this is what it meant," I rasped through my aching throat. I gripped my pillow harder, the pain not subsiding at all. I hated the way Peter looked at me, that look of contempt, disgust, and betrayal as I delivered my last line to him. Oh dear, I pray he'd forgive me when we meet again. I knew we were going to meet again; I just didn't know when.

I wearily got up and went to the wash basin, splashing cold water on my face. I stared at my eye-bagged reflection. I scrubbed as best as I could, and when I was finished, I looked somewhat presentable. Donning on a morning dress, I did my hair and then went down for breakfast. Alicia greeted me and we breakfasted together.

Male voices could be heard coming from the receiving room.

"Cline has early callers," explained Alicia as she knifed through her meat. I just nodded. As I was about to bite into a piece of carrot, my hand went numb, the fork and vegetable clattering against the china and hitting the wooden floor. "Are you alright?" Alicia pushed her chair back and rushed to my side of the table.

But my eyes and ears were fixed toward the male voices. I slowly pushed back my chair, and with Alicia's assistance, crossed the dining hall into the adjoining room which led into the receiving room. Each step was a chore, every breath a labor.

As the final steps were crossed and we entered the receiving room, I immediately recognized Cline for he was facing us. But his guest had his back to us. He had dark brown hair with auburn streaks. It was tied in a queue. From his neck and side of his face, he had olive skin. His broad shoulders shook as he laughed. He laugh sounded comforting, and it rolled in easy waves; a pleasant sound.

"Ah, ladies!" Cline stood up and greeted us. He gestured us to enter. The stranger also stood. "Look who's come calling all the way from Central America! Though I must say, senor, you are quite the traveler, which I'm sure our friend Susan can relate to. Alicia, Susan, may I present my cousin, Lord Caspian of Venice."

My eyes widened as the stranger turned.

He looked the same, except older, sleeker, more earth-like than Narnian-like. But that smile, those eyes, those lips, that body…it was _him_, purely him! Everything about him emitted "king," "royalty," and "pirate."

He held my gaze as readily as I held his. All those years of searching, of yearning, of hoping… it all led to this moment, to this precious instant where my sacrifices were repaid.

"Why husband, you wolf, you didn't tell me your cousin was so handsome!" Alicia's voice sounded so distant, like hands cupped over my ears.

"That runs in our blood, wife," joked back Cline.

Caspian walked around the sofa till he stood right in front of me. He didn't smile. I didn't dare move a muscle unless he was just a dream that readily left as the sun rose.

Silence stretched, but my mind and heart were in a riot.

_He's here, he's here!_ They both shouted in rejoice. Even my blood rushed and gurgled with gladness. My stomach was doing curves and bends. Even my breathing was becoming irregular.

Finally, he spoke.

"I've been searching for you," he said in his slow, husky accent. He took my hands in his, the feel of his skin against mine an electric fizz running through my body.

I forced my lips to move, to form the words my mind was sending. "I've been searching, too," I whispered.

"Five years," he smiled, stepping closer.

"Good gob," I gasped, both at the number and the act of him bringing my hands to his lips. I felt like I could very well faint in front of everyone in the room. But when I looked around, Cline and Alicia were gone. "But why? Why did you come into this world?" there were many other questions I wanted to ask. Why did this one come out?

"Because," he softly laughed, pulling me against me. "When I asked Aslan if I could see your world, he said I could. Because I was already dead in Narnia, I could ask him anything. So he allowed it."

"But he allowed you to stay so long?" I gasped at his answer. "In Venice?"

"Yes, Venice. It was where I sailed after landing in London, after discovering you were in the land called America. I traveled to Venice, and there I was able to find work first as a Gondolier, and then a ship-master's crew member. With that status and skill, I was able to sail your world," he recounted. Smiling, he continued. "You stayed fifteen years as monarchs in Narnia. What are five years in your earth?" he tightened his hold around my torso, an act I found made my heart race even faster.

"A thousand years in Narnia, King Caspian," I replied, resting my cheek against his chest. I tightened my arms around his slim waist. He pulled me right up to him. I placed my head in the comfortable nook of his neck and shoulder as he rested his cheek against my head.

After what seemed like hours of peace, he finally spoke.

"Queen Susan?"

"Hm?" I pulled away to look at him.

"I think it's time we went home."

"Home?" I repeated. Then I smiled. "To Narnia."

"To Narnia," he confirmed. We held each other in our gazes. He brought a hand and caressed my cheek. "I'll never lose you again."

"Nor I, my king," I took his hand, turned my face and kissed the palm of his hand.

"Susan?" came Alicia's voice from the entrance. She held a telegram in her hands, her eyes bloodshot.

"What is it?" I walked to Alicia and held her arms, steadying her. "What's the matter?"

She held the telegram out to me, shaking her head, tears rolling down her face. "Your family…"

"What?" my mouth went dry as I took the telegram, dreading what words would greet my eyes. I felt Caspian stand behind me. Alicia started wailing and sobbing. Suddenly Cline entered and took his wife in his arms. He looked at me, questioning. I shook my head, then read the telegram.

_At exactly 8:45 in the morning, on October the 8__th__, 1949, the two trains of Horrow and Weladon collided against each other. A third train also crashed into the aforementioned trains. All that were on the platform station and inside the said trains were killed. The following are identified passengers according to train ticket reservations: …_

It was a long list of names. But six stood out in blood-red boldness:

___Pevensie, Adam James_

_Pevensie, Edmund Henry_

_Pevensie, Helen Eve_

_Pevensie, Lucilla Marie_

_Pevensie, Peter James_

I dropped the telegram. My knees buckled underneath me and a blood-curdling scream escaped me.

"_Nooooooooooooooooooo_!" my face hit the floor as my arm crashed next to my head, an overpowering weakness anchoring me.

All was gray and sepia around me, the noises zooming in and out like someone playing with the volume dial of the radio. Shuffles, scurrying of feet, rustling of clothes, then my name.

I felt like someone had shot a quiver-full of arrows into my gut and left me to bleed in the middle of an alien field. Then standing before me, she lifted her chin, triumphant and glowing with an evil white glare.

"Susan," she cackled, the very air around her sprouting snowflakes and icicles. "I can make the pain go away. Just a tiny prick of your finger on my ice-staff," she held her wand up into the air, showing it to me, "and that pain you feel will freeze forever. Pain will just be a word, a word that you will soon forget…"

Pain. It was squeezing my heart into bits. My family is dead. I talked to them so horribly. Had I known this was what Aslan meant by "you will be left behind," I would have spoken to them differently.

"Choose, Daughter of Eve," Jadis taunted, a sneer on her blood-red lips.

"Choose, indeed, Daughter of Eve," said another familiar voice. Aslan.

"Why are you doing this?" I cried, shouting at both of them. "This isn't funny!" I covered my ears, wanting to shut out Jadis' crowing. Her eyes rained down icicles where tears of evil mirth should have dropped.

"_Listen_," was all Aslan breathed. Then in his stead another form took shape. It was at this shape I held my hand out to, and the shape took my hand and pulled me hard.

"Ahhh!" I screamed, and then suddenly I found myself back in my bed. Hovering above me was the form. "Caspian!"

"You had me frightened there," he sounded scared. "You were yelling Jadis!"

"But I saw you," I pulled him into an embrace, and he fiercely returned it. "You brought me back," I said into his hair.

And then he kissed me. It was deep, thorough, and so sweet it blocked everything I felt and thought except for _him._ In those moments, I felt alive, charged, light, and powerful.

"Mmm…" I moaned as he pulled away.

"You want more?" he teased, rubbing his thumb against my jaw line.

"You're a good anesthetic," I said through half-lidded eyes. "For a moment there I almost forgot I was in pain."

"I take it as a compliment then," he chuckled. "But now, my queen, we have other things to address, most urgent."

"What?" I asked, still a bit dazed.

"The matter of finding transportation back into Narnia."

"Hm…" I thought, trying to fight through the haze. Then the idea hit me. "Come, into Cline's library. There's a painting," I got out of bed and led him downstairs.

"Ah, yes, Cline showed it to me," he said.

"It was that painting that showed me the prophecy, the stars danced in them," I said, pulling him through corridors.

"It didn't do that with me," he wondered. Finally we stood in front of the painting. "It's not moving. Are you sure you saw what you saw?"

"I'm not crazy," I turned at him. "How would I have gotten word about the prophecy of finding you?"

"Or rather it was I who found you," he smiled, pulling me against him. I pushed him away. Though I found that action quite romantic, it was out of place with our situation.

"We found each other," I said. "Which reminds me you have to tell me how you found Cline, or was it vice versa?"

"I'll tell you when – wait! The painting!" he pointed. I turned and indeed saw the ship's sails flapping, the waves rolling, and the stars moving.

I didn't like their dance. It wasn't a dance of salutation, gratitude, or celebration. It was dark, ominous, and heavy.

As we read the stars, my mouth hung open in horror. We faced each other.

"To enter Narnia…" he began.

"…we have to die." I finished.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Author's Note**__: Whenever I write, I always have"background music" to set the mood. In this one, I listened to __The Stone Table__ from the OST of __The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe__. Perhaps in future fan-fictions, I'll mention the soundtrack I'm listening to so you guys can have that "feel" of the music while the scenes "play before your eyes." _

_P.S. please also check my other Narnia fanfic. It's still in the process. Hopefully you guys will also like that one, too. Thanks!_

**Chapter 18**

Death.

The cold-iron truth of realizing my family's death came crashing back into my forethoughts. A crushing sadness settled itself on my shoulders. But through that sadness, a twinkle caught light.

"That means… Pete, Ed, and Lu…they're in Narnia," I sank to the floor. Their deaths, was it planned, deliberate, or a coincidence?

"I know," said Caspian, joining me on the floor and wrapping his arms around me. "This sounds strange, but planning our own deaths seems so…" he shook his head, trying to find the appropriate word.

"Barbaric," I offered. "Suicide is frowned upon by society. Nor would it let us enter 'heaven,' if that is what Narnia is to us. No," I looked at him. "There must be another way 'end our life.'"

Footsteps clicked through the halls and barged into the library. Pistols were aimed at us. One of the men held Cline in a lock-grip. Their leader stepped forward and aimed his pistol at Caspian's chest.

"That could be arranged," sneered Derek. His men seized us from the floor.

"Derek?" I gawked at him, "What's the meaning of this?"

"I've come to collect what belongs to me," he planted a vulgar kiss on my lips. Then he paced in front of Caspian, his pistol never wavering, "What is this? You traded me for a _dog_, Susan? I treated you well for the time we spent together, showing you off to the right people, the right circles, and _this _is how you repay my kindness?" he spoke in a silky-mocking tone.

"If the word 'treated' means the countless bruises, the verbal abuses, and the degrading manner in which you _addressed me_," I cried, the burning memories of how Derek had maltreated me resurfacing. Those words made Caspian surge forward, but Derek's men held him back.

"And you were stupid enough to allow me," he laughed. "Stupid, simple Susan. Without me," he looked at his men, who nodded and agreed with him, "You were be _nothing. Nothing!_ Just another face in the crowd. But with Derek Gregor, you were the gem in the society. I made you for what you are now: the pretty shiny stone every man wants, but none of them can have you! Only me! Me, me, me!" he stomped each word, laughing like a mad man.

"You can _never have me_," I spat at him, trying to kick him from where I stood. He was a few inches too far. That action made Derek come and squeeze my face in his hand like a vice. It made it hard to breathe or talk; it stung as his fingers squeezed and the skin was pushed against my teeth.

"If I can't have you," he whispered into my ear. I moaned in pain as he tightened his hold. "Then no one can. Least of all, _this one_," he pointed his pistol at Caspian.

"No!" I stomped my foot of the man who was holding me, pushed Derek's arm away, and placed myself between Derek's pistol and Caspian. "Over my dead body," I huffed.

"But that would be doing you a favor, now wouldn't it, love?" he clicked his tongue and shook his head. "I caught snippets of your little conversation before this abduction. Come, come," he motioned me to move away from Caspian but I only turned around and held onto Caspian. Derek continued, "You know, it would be so much easier if you were alive. Won't have to deal with dead bodies, and the blood, oh," he stuck his nose up, "messy business!"

Derek continued on with his monologue. Slight movement to my left caught my eye. I turned a little to see better. It was Cline! What was he…?

In less than a span of seconds, Cline had knocked out his captors and those holding Caspian. Caspian pushed me to the floor to protect me. I stared at horror at the unconscious men next to me, but I swallowed my fear and felt the insides of their coats for a gun.

_BANG!_

The ear-splitting explosion from a gun pierced my ears. Smoke hung in the air. I dared myself to look up.

The next seconds stretched into what seemed like hours. Derek was the one who had fired, the end of his pistol smoking. My eyes followed the direction his pistol pointed at.

"Noooooooooooooo!" I screamed with what life was left in me as I watched with terror and agony the king I loved fall down on his knees and then hit the floor. I clawed-crawled toward his fallen form, my eyes widening at the ugly bullet hole on the left side of his chest, straight to his heart. I felt my lips crack as it spread into a soundless howl of woe. I could feel my entire body shaking. _Caspian!_

Darkness filled my vision. In the next instants pain no longer registered in my existence. Only pure, black, _poisonous hate_! I wanted to rip Derek's head off, tear his innards out, leave his body disemboweled and open for the vultures to eat, to have his body hanging on a stake in the middle of a field, to…

I could hear her cackling again, cold and piercing. With each evil thought toward Derek she laughed harder and louder.

_Yes, Susan_, she welcomed me, _Do just as you want. He deserves it! Look what he did to your king…_

My fingers felt cold. As I exhaled, a gust of mist came forth.

_No_, I cried, horrified as I looked down on my hands. Instead of seeing my own, I saw Jadis' ice-white fingers, the fingers curled around an ominous looking staff. Her ice-wand!

"I will not become like you, Jadis!" I whimpered against the cold. With great effort, I pulled myself away from Caspian and stood up. I faced Derek, walking toward him. He started backing away when I came too close, until he had nothing else to back away into. I took his pistol hand and aimed it at my own heart. "Please, shoot," I begged. "You took my husband. Let me join him."

Derek now looked genuinely frightened, both at my request and the absence of revulsion in my tear-stained face.

"You're _begging_ me to _kill_ you?" he nearly choked on those words. "Forget it!" he half-laughed half-quivered, forcing a laugh but it sounded like a whimpering dog with his tail between his legs. I gripped his hand hard, pushing the pistol deeper into my chest.

"Do it!" I begged again. I closed my hand over his, my finger over his finger at the trigger.

_Click!_

The sound of the pistol cocked, ready, but it wasn't Derek's. I looked behind Derek. There stood Cline with a gun of his own, the end kissing Derek's left temple.

"Do as the lady asks," hissed Cline into Derek's ear, pressing the gun against Derek's head. Cline held Derek's gun hand steady.

"Cline…" I whispered, tears running down my face. I smiled at him.

"Say hi to Caspian for me," he smiled back.

I saw Derek's muscle working, his forearms going taut. I closed my eyes. Then I felt myself falling…falling…and being carried away on winds so fast, so strong it was like being on a floating ship out at sea.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Author's Note:**__ Hi, readers. My thanks for being patient with me. While caught up with house chores and babysitting, I was able to watch __The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe__ with my brother. It brought back memories, and also stirred some nice dialogue for this chapter. You can say I paid more attention to the scenes of this chapter unfolding in my mind than the actual movie. I put thought into this chappie. Hope you like it!_

_Major shout-out to FMW, who has been so kind in reviewing the chappies. Thank you!_

_P.S. Music: from OST __Lord of the Rings: Arwen's Song_

_Disclaimer: Jack Lewis owns Narnia. The black-rider-wraiths and "Naralim!" I borrowed from J. R. R. Tolkien. Naralim means "ride faster" or roughly translated into those words. It's Elvish. I just liked the word. _

**Chapter 19**

But I wasn't on a boat, nor was I out at sea.

It was dark, a bottomless abyss all around. No wind blew now. But it was cold. Frigidly, icy cold.

I exhaled and saw my breath rise. Suddenly my surroundings took shape into ice-blue walls, then bars forming within the walls. I looked down and I was standing on a giant slab of ice. I slipped and fell, the smarting sensation spreading across my back and legs.

"Giving in to the cold and dark is easy," said a voice.

"Huh!" I squeaked, facing the person. I looked up and let out relieved gasp. "Ed! I'm so glad you're here! Where are we?"

"It's not actually we, Su," he continued, helping me up. "It's only you here."

"But I'm talking to you, aren't I?" my brows furrowed. He shook his head.

"I'm just a voice with a chosen form. I can't fully explain it all right now. There's no time," he looked at me gravely. Then his eyes roved the ice-room. "I thought I'd never see this place again…only in the evilest of nightmares." Then he looked straight at me. "Come," he offered his hand. I took it and he led the way.

In an instant we were out of the ice-room.

"What was that place?" I asked him. I looked around and soon the surroundings took form of trees, forest floor, but there were no animals, no forest noises, and no sun; just darkness and an ominous mist that rose from the ground.

"That was the White Witch's dungeons, where she kept me and Mr. Tumnus prisoner," said Edmund, finally stopping. He turned and faced me. "You have to fight, Susan. You're stronger than you think."

"Fight what? Ed, you sound strange. You're scaring me," I shifted my weight from foot to foot.

"Jadis. You have to get past her. She won't let you enter Narnia, but you _have_ _to_, do you understand?" Ed took my hands and squeezed them. "We'll try to keep the door open for as long as we can."

"We?"

"Aslan, Lucy, and I. Everyone will be distracted by the battle. You have to get there before Peter closes the door."

"Door? What door? Ed!" I yelled after him, but he was already fading away, his hands already becoming a haze around mine.

"_Hurry!_" then he was gone.

I looked at my surroundings and found it shockingly familiar. But it couldn't be! It couldn't have stayed the same after all those Narnian years passing by, but it was, there was no mistake: this was the very forest that led to the Stone Table, the exact same forest that Lucy and I had walked with Aslan the night he was to be sacrificed.

Dead leaves crunched underfoot as I walked the path. The hairs on my arms and neck stood on end as the temperature dropped even further. I didn't have to guess who waited at the Stone Table.

There she was, with her ice-wand at hand. The witch looked more hideous than the visions and dreams I had of her. Her eyes were black pits against her ice-white skin. She stood tall as a giant, her form menacing with jagged icicles on her head like a crown. Then she opened her mouth, and winter blew its biting winds.

"Ah, Susan, finally you join me. I give you a welcome befitting of a traitor," she cackled, her lips pulling back to reveal uneven, pointed teeth.

"Traitor?" I shook.

"Yes," she said in a sing-song manner. "Haven't you noticed I appear in your thoughts whenever you have strong emotions? You were calling to me, Susan," she walked around the Stone Table like it was a stage. "And those who call me are traitors to Narnia!" she sneered. "Surely you were _smart enough_ to figure that out."

"I didn't call to you," I clenched my teeth. "It's you pushing your essence into my head."

"Because you _don't belong to Narnia!_" she shouted, her face transforming into the likes of a serpent. Her black eyes grew identical vertical slits, and her tongue slithered out, a green ribbon that was forked at the end. "Youuuussss belooooooonggsss tooooo meeeeeesss," she hissed in snake-like manner, venom dripping from her mouth. "Nobody wants you in Narnia," her voice returning to human manner. "Nor loves you," she taunted.

"Love?" I repeated. Gathering courage, I walked up to the Stone Table. "Dare you speak of love? When you know not the meaning of it!" I shouted up at her.

"Dare speak of love, when all it's given you is pain?" her eyes flashed.

"Love…pain…" I spoke through my aching throat, but I fought to suppress my sobs and impending tears. "They may indeed feel the same. Perhaps one cannot exist without the other. If pain is the price of love, then it is the price I will pay!" I paid dearly, indeed. My mother has turned me away. Peter has turned me away. All that I endured to find Caspian. Love and pain do coexist. "But you," I pointed my finger at her. "You cannot hold pain above me anymore, tempting me that you will take it away. I ACCEPT the pain! You shy away from it!" I climbed the steps of the Stone Table, fighting the cold, sending my own icy glare at Jadis. "You FEAR pain; that's why you're so cold and distant: you don't want to be tainted by emotions, by feelings…and for that you will forever lose," I whispered, the realization dawning on me, Jadi's true nature transparent as a thin sheet of ice.

For a split second I saw the fear and uncertainty in her eyes, but then it snapped away just as quickly.

"Daughter of Eve, the Eve who so willingly took the apple from the serpent," mocked Jadis.

"You hold that act of Eve against me?" I asked, but some of my confidence had begun to dwindle.

"You are her flesh and bone," scoffed Jadis. "Her weakness is your weakness."

"But I am _not_ her!"

"Tsk-tsk," she shook her head, the heavy icicles on her head clinking against each other. "It's a shame you're excluded from Narnia. You have no other choice _but_ to join me."

"What do you mean excluded?" I demanded.

"Your brothers and sister," she began, sounding as if she was reciting a grocery list. "Are equally as troublesome as that Diggory boy and Polly girl when _they_ were in Narnia last time; I guess Aslan wants juveniles romping around his fields of Narnia. But you, Susan," she came forward and took my chin in her hand, sending mind-numbing shocks throughout my body. "You're the practical, smart, realistic, grown-up one, aren't you? Aslan doesn't want know-it-alls in his kingdom! So, naturally, you were excluded. You weren't on the train when they all died!" she let go of my chin and spun around in a celebratory dance. I fell backward, my body regaining a bit of heat again.

"The professor and Ms. Polly are dead, too?"

"Oh yes," cackled the witch. "They all got what they deserved: death!"

"You're right," I slowly got to my feet and faced Jadis. "I wasn't on the train, but not because I was excluded. It's because I _chose_ not to go with them." I looked down at the un-cracked Stone Table, remembering what Aslan had explained to Lucy and me. "There's a deep magic that rules above us all. It holds our destiny; even yours," I looked at her.

"What do you know of deep magic?" scoffed Jadis, placing her hands on her hips, making her look more menacing.

Then something appeared in my hand. At first it was just a white shadow, then it slowly curved and molded into a familiar object, one that I always had with me whether peace time or war time. It never left my side. Only when we returned to England and when I handed it back to Caspian were the times I had parted with it. Now it was back.

Forever mine.

My Horn!

"It sounds like this," and before Jadis could snatch it, I put the Horn to my lips and blew with all the strength and soul I had inside of me. A deep, reverberating tone emitted from the lion-end of the Horn, sending Jadis off the Stone Table and landing on her back.

When I no longer had breath in me, I released my lips from the Horn. The sound of the Horn still echoed through the woods then it was joined by another sound: hooves.

I turned to where the sound was coming from and there, pushing past the trees was a white, warm glow that drove the shadows and darkness away. I recognized the blonde mane, the gleaming flanks, and the ivory horn that was of the same texture as my Horn.

"Haeriel!" I gasped as the Unicorn stopped centimeters in front of me. This was Peter's Unicorn, the one and same he rode out to battle against Jadis at the end of the Hundred-Year Winter.

"Climb on my back, my queen, we've got a distance to go," urged the Unicorn. I got on. "We fly west, toward Lantern Waste."

"Then fly, Haeriel!" I pressed my body down against his back as he reared and sped west.

"_After her!_" screeched Jadis, her voice sounding scarily close. I looked back and saw dark riders draped in night, their steeds equally as black. At their head was Jadis upon her own stead, a winter-horse that raced on an ice path created by Jadis' wand.

"Keep low, my queen," cautioned Haeriel, "Those Wraiths, undead souls of her servants, who snatch even the dead from their graves if they befit the title of traitor."

"And she wants me," I panted, holding tighter to Haeriel.

"Because she believes that the Four Kings and Queens of the Golden Prophecy should never reunite. She thought she had Edmund, but Aslan saved him. She nearly had you, had you not been sent to find Caspian," said Haeriel.

"So that's why Aslan sent him to earth!" I recalled the old man in the library.

"_Save him to save yourself._"

"We're close," warned the Unicorn. "This will get rough!" and with that, the very earth beneath us shook and broke. The skies above were filled with fire and the stars and sun were in a riot in the heavens. Then a deep rumbling took the earth. The Unicorn neighed in panic but pushed forward.

"_TIME!_" boomed a voice that came from everywhere all at once.

Like a whip to the face, I suddenly noticed the scorching heat. Sweat dripped from my forehead. Not even the speeds of Haeriel kept the heat at bay.

Then an earth-rattling groan emitted from what sounded like a deep cavern, increasing in volume as it continued on. It sounded like a very large horn, the very mountains breaking and falling apart.

"_Naralim!_" bit Haeriel, his golden hooves pounding even harder on the ground as he ate up the distance. I looked back, but Jadis and the Wraiths were gone. They weren't the enemy now, but Time himself!

In the next instant, the skies were filled with dragons, the fields crawling with large reptilians, lizards of all shapes and sizes, and the heavens raining stairs.

"There!" grunted Haeriel at last, coming sight of a hill that was populated with people, animals, and a structure that looked like a stable.

"How do we get through?" I bit my lip, worried. Were we going to make it in time?

"We fly!" laughed Haeriel, seeming like a young colt once again. The dragons and lizards swarmed all around us, eating the very ground on which Haeriel ran on. With a full out run, Haeriel pumped his legs into unison motion and leaped over the crowds. It indeed felt like we were flying!

The stable got closer and closer. I instantly recognized Ed and Lucy. They looked and waved at me, pointing to the stable door. Peter and the rest were looking the other way, looking at the destruction that was happening around them.

Haeriel landed with a clip-clop-thud! as he passed through the door. I fell off his back as we rolled on the turf, expecting to see the scene of destruction play before our eyes.

But we were badly mistaken. Or one should say goodly mistaken.

It was Narnia! The fields from which we escaped from, but it wasn't the same. There were no lizards, there were no dragons, and instead of a demonic sky, it was clear, blue, with white cotton clouds and a large warm buttery sun.

"Haeriel?" I approached the Unicorn, who had righted himself and was already getting to his feet. "Where are we?"

"I think," he panted, but not out of exhaustion, but from excitement. "We should ask _him_," he neighed toward someone behind me. I turned and my breath caught my throat.

"Susan, welcome to New Narnia," he said in his deep rumbling voice. I let out a cry and ran to him, not noticing how fast I was running but only focusing on him.

"Orieus!"

He swept me up into his arms into a strong, warm embrace. I buried my face into his neck, crying but surprised it wasn't for woe or sorrow but for great happiness.

"Come, Cair Paravel waits. Their royal highnesses with Aslan will arrive shortly," he nodded to the stable.

"Yes!" neighed Haeriel. "Further up and further in!" and he started galloping toward the east.

"Orieus," I said as he set me down. "We have much to talk about."

"We have all the time, my queen," he caressed my face and I leaned into his hand. "Now ride, the Kings and Queens of old hold court." With that he helped me get on his back. The old-familiar feel of riding on his back again rushed at me like a warm spring breeze after a long winter.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Author's Note: **__Hi, everyone! I'm actually writing this while waiting for my dental appointment to be called. I really-really-really DO NOT LIKE dentists. They're like the necessary 'evil' we have to put up with. I don't mean any offense to dentists or anyone who loves going to dentist. It's just I haven't had the best experience concerning this issue. _

_So, while trying to put my mind at ease and TRYING to lower my anxiety level to somewhat the normal range, I'll write this chapter out. It's almost there, the "finish" in sight._

_Once again, thank you so much for reading!_

_Background music: OST of __CoN: LWW__ Only the Beginning of the Adventure (the tune that plays out from when Edmund is revived with Lucy's fire-berry juice, their coronation, Lucy-Tumnus scene, and when all four of them are grown-up and riding through Western Wood after the White Stag.)_

_Enjoy!_

**Chapter 20**

New Narnia spread out before me like a blanket. But it was bigger, much-much bigger from what I recalled. It was like staring at one's own self, not through a looking glass or a mirror. The image true, raw, and real, it breathed and exhaled with the vibrancy of LIFE.

"It's beautiful," I whispered as we raced through woods and fields. "These woods! They look exactly how I remembered them," I craned my neck to see all around, wonderstruck.

"New Narnia is the true Narnia," explained Orieus. "It is how each individual sees it, but better, for Aslan roams these lands freely. One moment you see the Narnia of King Gale, the next, you see the Narnia of King Frank and Queen Helen's days."

"So it's constantly changing?" I asked, seeing a spring in the wood I knew wasn't there when I was queen.

"New Narnia is like a river: it ebbs, flows, never stagnant. In the simplest of terms," he stopped and turned to look at me, "Each monarch who has ever ruled over Narnia is given the fortune of seeing the Narnia they had in their time."

"So, it's like a cycle? Each one is given their turn?" I tilted my head to the side, trying to understand. "So, _all_ of the kings and queens of old have had their 'turn' already, so to speak?"

"Not all," Orieus shook his head, continuing on with an easy gallop. When I didn't ask anymore, he twisted his torso to look at me. "Can't you guess who else will sit on the thrones once they arrive?"

I looked up at him and smiled. "The Golden Prophecy," I sadly laughed. "Two sons of Adam, two daughters of Eve," I whispered. "How strange that sounded to our ears when we heard Mr. and Mrs. Beaver address us as such." My eyes widened. "The beavers, they're here, aren't they? And Mr. Tumnus?"

"Of course," nodded Orieus, letting out a round guffaw. "Thinking of Queen Lucy?"

"She'll be quite pleased," I agreed. Cair Paravel was already in sight, a shining white edifice against the roaring Easter Sea. "Orieus, stop." His hooves stayed. I slipped off his back and began walking toward the sea instead of the castle.

"Is something wrong, my queen?" he asked, keeping pace with me.

The words I wanted to speak were burning my throat. Already I could feel the prickling sensation of tears at my eyes.

"My queen?" repeated Orieus. I looked up at him.

"You said _each_ monarch of Narnia," I began.

"Yes, I did," said Orieus. "Ah," he stood in front of me and bent his legs so his torso was level with me. "I know what you speak of. Of us," he touched my face tenderly with his hands. "And of King Caspian."

"It's so complicated…confusing. _You_ are my husband, Orieus," I closed my own hands over his.

"My queen –"

"Please, Orieus, call me Susan, or must I deliver that speech about being too formal around me again?" I joked, recalling the time I had warned Orieus that if he called me "My Queen" when we spoke in private, I'd ban him from seeing me. It was meant in good humor.

"Susan," he began again, his expression both happy and sad, a strange mix on his chiseled face. "We both know that's not true."

"What are you talking about? We _are_ married!" I cried. Orieus shook his head, the sadness spreading to his eyes.

He only took my face in his hands and held me so gently. He choked on his tears and closed his eyes.

"But –" I backed away, the familiar sting of an ache spreading across my chest. "The forest, at the Dancing Lawn!" I labored through the memory, "Wasn't that our wedding? With the dryads, the nymphs, the music, the dancing, everyone was there! We said our vows, our promises…" it was getting difficult to breathe. Why was he denying we were ever married?

"It was a celebration, yes, but not a wedding, not in the ways and customs of New Narnian Law," said Orieus.

"Customs, rites, they're all just actions! Marriage is the union of husband and wife, of man and woman," I took his hands, "Orieus, to me _that_ was our wedding. I thought you thought so, too," I fought through my tears. I felt so weak. I slid to the ground.

"Aslan rules above us all, and he has laws to which we must all abide and bend to. Marriage, Susan, is one of them," his voice sounded almost as wound-jagged as mine.

"What of love? Does Aslan have laws over that as well?" my body shook with emotion and tears. After all these years of believing that Orieus and I were husband and wife, we were not. It was much worse than the feel of a whip to the face; it was a rip to my core, my heart.

"Love is something no one has dominion over, except Love itself," said Orieus, joining me on the floor. "And for that I believe it was why he chose Caspian to save you."

"I don't understand," I shook my head. "Wasn't our love strong enough?" even as those words came out, I knew my answer.

"You chose your world instead of Narnia, that one year you were in your world," said Orieus.

"I was just being practical, being realistic, not wanting to chase after a dream and realizing it was just an illusion, the harshness of reality a torture after having such a beautiful dream…" guilt and shame washed through me. "I'm so sorry, Orieus!"

"Be not, my queen," he wiped the tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs. "It was a test, and it proved to Aslan that someone else would be your savior, someone you loved beyond me."

"But I loved you too!" I sobbed, attempting to convince Orieus that I did. "Why did he choose Caspian instead of you?"

"We never question his will," smiled Orieus. "Besides, how would a centaur look wandering in your earth?" he chuckled.

"After all that's happened," I shook my head at him in wonder, "You're not angry at me."

"Aslan has a way of explaining the unexplainable," he bent and planted a kiss on my forehead. "Perhaps he should be the one to question about the 'changings of New Narnia,' as you so put it. No doubt he can put forth enlightenment."

"Orieus?"

"Yes, my queen?"

"What becomes of us? Does this mean…this is the end of our story?" I held on to his hand.

"Susan," he said my name with such emotion it made my heart move. "I do love you, our love has grown, and I'm glad for it. But now, you must be with your true husband."

"Were you not also my husband, Orieus?" I squeezed his hand, knowing that once our conversation ended, these kinds of moments would cease to exist. I held them as long as they lasted.

"Once upon a time, I was," he squeezed my hand in return.

"How do you define 'true husband'?"

"You risked all to find him," Orieus said. "And it was through him that you too were saved. You saved each other. That kind of love cannot be denied."

"I still care for you, Orieus, whether you are my husband or not, _that_ kind of love cannot be denied either," I inched closer till I could wrap my arms around him.

"I don't doubt that, my queen," he softly laughed into my hair. "Now," he said as we pulled apart. "I believe Aslan and the Seven Friends have already arrived at Cair Paravel. No doubt Aslan is explaining to the High King, King, and Queen that it is their rule over New Narnia at this very moment."

"Wait," I said as Orieus got up. He helped me to my feet. "What of Caspian? How am I to face him? His wife-queen is surely at Cair Paravel," I bit my lip in worry. "Ramandu's Daughter."

"The time will come for such exchange of thoughts on that matter," said Orieus, already helping me get on his back. "For now, the kings and queens await."

The remaining distance was shortly crossed, and I soon found myself walking down the familiar aisle of the cavernous throne room. On either side of the aisle were thrones, and in each throne kings and queens smiled as they watched me approach the dais. I looked and saw that Peter, Edmund, and Lucy were standing in front of their own thrones, with their crowns glowing upon their head.

When I stopped just before the steps of the dais, I caught each of my brothers' and sister's gazes. No words were needed. Lucy and Edmund helped me up the steps and engulfed me in their arms. I hugged them back with the same fierceness they gave me. When they let go, I faced Peter.

"High King," I bent into a deep curtsy. I remembered the words I had thrown at Peter and the judgment he had passed on me. Suddenly I felt warm hands on my arm, nudging me to stand straight. It was Peter.

"Queen Susan," he smiled. "I take back the words I delivered to you, the words I spoke when we were on the other side of the wardrobe."

I let out a laugh. "At a time such as this, you can still _joke_ about it?"

"I'm High King, I can joke whenever I please," he let out a laugh as well, the other kings and queens joining in. "You are indeed a friend of Narnia, Queen Susan the Gentle."

"_Long live, Queen Susan!_" came the cheers and shouts from the court. I turned and gave them a deep curtsy in gratitude.

"Aslan explained most your story," said Peter, "though he didn't mention how you got here, that's what I would like to hear."

"We would all like to hear it!" chimed in a Queen with long black hair. Her garments reminded me of the Disney-version of _Aladdin_, this queen an image of Princess Jasmine.

"That's Aravis," said Peter, "Queen of Archenland, wife of King Cor. You remember her, don't you?"

"Yes, indeed," I nodded. "I shall tell my story, though I cannot tell it alone."

"Then I shall tell it with you," came a very familiar voice. From the court a king stood up from his throne. He walked down the aisle until he stood at the foot of the dais. "If her majesty will so allow it?"

I looked at Peter, Edmund, Lucy, and then the rest of the court. My eyes locked onto the woman he had sat next to, and she nodded. I turned to the king and smiled.

"Of course, King Caspian, it's your story as well."

* * *

Before dinner that night, I sought out Aslan. His name barely left my lips when I heard his soft growl behind me.

"Daughter of Eve," he purred. I ran across the wet sand and hugged his mane and neck when I reached him.

"Oh, Aslan!" I cried.

"Many questions have you, I see," he chuckled, taking his seat. I sat on a nearby log along the shore. Aslan's warmth and size kept the sea's breeze at bay.

"You sent Caspian to save me," I began, and he nodded. "But I don't understand Orieus. He said Caspian is my true husband, but how can that be? He's wed to Ramandu's Daughter."

"What did Orieus tell you of your marriage to him?" Aslan asked suddenly. The change of subject caught me off guard.

"That we weren't really married. But I thought we were? In the Dancing Lawn," my brows furrowed. "I _know_ we were married!"

"What else did he say?" pushed Aslan, persistent yet gentle.

"There are laws to be followed, New Narnian laws, especially about marriage, but…how do New Narnian laws affect our marriage back then?" I leaned my head on Aslan's mane. "I don't know what to think."

"What Orieus said is true, but I believe you're asking for the plain explanation. Here it is," he began. I lifted my head and faced him. "Marriage rites in Narnia are null in New Narnia."

"_What_?" my jaw dropped to the floor.

"As I said," continued Aslan. "Those who wished to remain married to their spouse of Old Narnia renew their vows here, and those vows are never broken."

"But…but Caspian would have remarried his wife, right?" I gasped, hoping my words were wrong.

"The choice is his, as this choice is yours," said Aslan.

"Is this why Orieus is pushing me away?" I inhaled, the sea-salt air stinging my lungs. When I heard no reply, I turned and found that I was already alone. I stood up, ready to return to the castle.

All of a sudden a great white flash appeared before me. When the light abated I recognized who stood before me.

"Your majesty," I curtsied.

"Queen Susan," she replied with her own bow. In New Narnia her glow was brighter, crisp, and warm. Ramandu's Daughter.

"I have spoken with Caspian, as I am sure your Orieus has parted words with you," she smiled. Few words needed to be spoken between us. We were women, women who loved with all our hearts, and risked much for Aslan and Narnia. We understood each other.

"I didn't understand Orieus at first, but Aslan explained to me in the end," I said, resuming my seat on the washed-up log.

"New Narnia has many laws, many of which we're still getting accustomed to. Fear not," she smiled, "these marriage rites were quite a shock to many of the monarchs. Many chose to remain with their spouses. Others decided to grant their counterparts freedom."

"Others," I repeated. "You speak of Orieus," I sighed.

"And myself," she added.

"_You_?" I gasped, standing up. "You set Caspian _free_?"

"Dear one," she took my hands in hers. "You both have risked so much for each other. I'm sure during dinner when you tell the court of how you found each other in your world, the court will understand why you belong to each other." With that she drew me into a queenly embrace, both of our hearts going out to the man we both loved.

"Thank you, your majesty, Daughter of Ramandu," I pulled away and curtsied.

"Hm… it does seem apparent that no one knows my true name," she mused. She smiled, "No matter, at dinner it shall be revealed!" and with she was engulfed in a bright ray of light and disappeared.


	21. Epilogue

_**Epilogue **_

Days and nights weren't measured in human or even Narnian time, for time had no dominion over New Narnia. The sun and stars populated the heavens in harmony, taking turns to show us sun-shine (day) or star-shine (night).

The storytelling over dinner had taken place several star-shines ago. When the story came to the part when we were held at gunpoint in Cline's library, the great dining hall was wrapped in silence. When it came to the part where Derek pulled the trigger, a slow yet steady clamor rose from the listeners.

"Did you feel any pain?"

"What happened next?"

Their questioned collided into each other. Only when did Edmund raise his arms to quiet the crowd did I describe the sensation of falling and flying, of being rushed on winds so furious and immediate that the question of pain and confusion was nowhere in my thoughts.

When I got to the part about the White Witch's temptation and my dialogue with her did the court come to realize what Jadis' mission had been: to destroy Narnia the way she had destroyed her own world of Charn; that she be supreme over all, and the only being standing in her way was Aslan. To get to Aslan, she would have to penetrate the Court of Kings and Queens of Old, having nearly succeeded through me but save for the Saving Act Aslan had done.

"To save me, I had to save Caspian," I recounted. I stared out into the great dining hall, but didn't lock eyes with anyone. Instead I looked above their heads, my mind miles away from Cair Paravel. "Aslan's ways are truly mysterious. It's only when the deed has been accomplished do we realize he really did know what he was doing."

"_Hear, hear!_" cheered someone, and the rest joined in, raising their goblet in agreement and praise.

I asked Haeriel how he had come at the sound of my Horn. He stepped forward, bent his forelegs in a bow and then explained.

"Once crossing into New Narnia after death, we are allowed to visit Narnia through dreams. Only when great need is at hand, we are able to take solid form once again in Narnia and deliver help to those who call us."

"But my Horn? How did it come to me?" I wondered.

"You've always had your Horn, Susan," said Aslan, stepping down from his high dais at the head of the hall. "It was never lost to you. You just 'forgot' you had it," he smiled, referring to the times I had chosen to forget Narnia and everything related to it.

The celebrations continued, dancing and reveling, food and drink, and never-ending laughter reverberated throughout the castle halls. But I stepped away from it all, welcoming the solitude as I walked up to the Astronomy Tower.

My magnified vision saw the many lands that were connected to Aslan's Country, like outlying fingers of a hand. One peninsula caught my attention, for it looked too familiar. I raced down to the seashore, stopping before this particular peninsula and walked toward the end of the land. Instead of coming to where land met sea, the scenes of my childhood formed and took shape around me.

A garden, a house, the living room…and there they were: Mother and Father.

I walked up to them, a solemn expression on my face as I approached. They held the same expression as well. As I stepped further into this peninsula, the minute details of home took shape: the writing desk by the window, the television set, the chandelier…

"Mother, Father," I began, the emotions taking over my voice. "Please forgive me!" I cried, the tears taking life of their own.

"Oh, Susan," soothed Mother, opening her arms to me. I ran into them, hugging her with all my strength.

"We understand, dear," said Father, stroking my hair. I looked up at both of them.

"I was so horrid to the both of you," I sobbed, "But I had to push you away. I had to find him! I had to –"

"It's alright, shh," Mother smiled. "Your Aslan has explained it all. Quite frankly," she looked amazed, "It must have been difficult to have to say what you've had to say to us."

"A death sentence, Mother," I laughed. I hugged her again, savoring the feel of Mother's arms and Father's kiss on my head.

"I like this Caspian boy," said Father, chuckling. I pulled away from Mother, looking at Father.

"You've met him?" I asked, surprised.

"Indeed, quite the proper gentleman," nodded Father. "Why, he came here to ask me if he can officially court you."

"What!" I shuddered. "But…that's so old fashioned!" I gasped. "He didn't even ask me first," I felt slightly affronted, that he bypassed me and got to my parents first. "Wait, he was _here_?" could he cross over to this "England"? Aslan's Country was confusing, something I'd have to get accustomed to. "Wait, what did you _say_?" my eyes widened at Father.

"I allowed him, of course, such a proper boy," approved Father.

"He's not a boy," I whispered, not knowing whether to laugh or shout in frustration. "I have to go," I turned to my parents. "But I'll be back as soon as I can," I promised.

"Don't hurry, dear," Mother tucked my hair behind my ears. "You have all the time."

I rushed back to the "mainland," the "peninsula" of the "England" world not fading away. Mother and Father waved at me from their "England". I smiled and waved back at them. Then I turned my eyes and focused.

I walked until I got to the mouth of the Great River emptying out into the Eastern Sea. From this another "peninsula" emerged, the vision a familiar scene to me.

It was Venice! The Great River smoothly morphed into the _Canale Grande_, the main waterway that ran through the floating city, where gondolas lazily cut through the waters carrying loves.

But I didn't view this scene alone. A man stood with his legs shoulder-width apart, his hands crossed behind his back as his gaze followed a gondola riding past.

"Hullo," I joined him at his spot, the star-shines' light reflected on the water's surface. He turned and smiled at me, offering a hand to me.

"This Venice," began Caspian, waving at the scene before us, "Is among the most beautiful cities I've seen in your world."

I nodded in agreement. Then a thought struck me. "Speaking of Venice, why did you decide to call yourself Lord Caspian of Venice?"

"Ah," he smiled. "It was the perfect combination of water and city, and I felt at home riding the gondolas as transportation in such a society. I had gained such a reputation as being a crew member of a prestigious cruise ship, I owed it to this floating city for the knowledge I had gained on how to man ships on your earth," he took a deep breath. "Hence, I called Venice home."

"That answers one question," I said. "Here's another: how did you find me? How did you know where to look for Cline Aldo?"

"That," he turned away from the scene and faced me, taking my hands in his, "I came across that in quite a distasteful manner. You see," he cleared his throat. "I had been on a cruise ship that time, working. There was a grand party held by an earl of Croatia. One of his guests was delivering a story to the crowd about how a 'loony' acquaintance of his had ranted about a secret country called Narnia and how she had to find someone before it was too late. When I heard this, I knew he would somehow lead me to you. It was also on this ship I came across Cline Aldo. He was the one who actually objected to this man's story, saying it wasn't wise to dismiss stories as crazy acts of attention, as this guest so referred to this 'loony' acquaintance of his. So," Caspian took a deep breath, "I approached this Cline Aldo and told him in private that I appreciated his defense of Narnia and that I was in search of a queen of Narnia. We got to talking, and realized our distant kinship to one other. The following day, we set our journey back to England where we would wait for your arrival from America."

I remained silent. I didn't have to search my memory long to realize how Derek had found out about my mission: he had mercilessly scanned through my journal. He had broken into my room one night, and I found him reading my journal that had lain open on my desk, the ink still wet and fresh from my most recent entry. It was the night before I was to leave for Venice for Cline and Alicia's invitation. It was that incident that propelled me to search for Caspian right away. I didn't want to return to London because I knew Derek would taunt me, torture me, and demand why I was chasing after another man. He would never understand Narnia. He was the last person I'd explain the prophecy I was to fulfill to. It was because of Derek why I wanted to leave London as soon as I could.

But despite all his cruelties, Derek had played a part in bringing me closer to Caspian. No matter how brutish he was, his role was integral in the fulfillment of the prophecy.

"Oh," was all I could say. Suddenly I felt a blush creep across my chest, neck, then spread on my face. I turned away from him.

"My queen?" he asked, placing his hands on my shoulders. I closed my eyes, liking the feel his hands on me. I bit my lip and turned to face him.

"There's still something that's confusing me," I slowly said, not meeting his gaze.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Caspian," I forced myself to meet his eyes. "What happens to us now? You have a family; you have a son, Rillian, and your wife…" I trailed off, the last word burning my tongue.

"Aurohraies has set me free," he said, stepping closer to me. "And Rillian was asked the same question if he wanted to remain married to his spouse of Narnia. Those who chose otherwise were not judged or discriminated against," he reassured me. "Each was given free choice to do so. This is New Narnia," he emphasized.

"It's just…back in England when one's married to his or her spouse, it's for life," I sounded like a child reciting a well-rehearsed poem.

"Well, this is our second life, so to speak, so, it's a new start," said Caspian. I let out an embarrassed laugh.

"Right," I nodded, feeling foolish. "Of course."

The silence was electrifying. I felt like saying something. I knew he wanted to say something.

"Caspian –"

"Susan –" we both said at the same time. We fell into laughter.

"You go first," he said.

"No, you," I insisted.

"Well, I spoke with your father," he began.

"Oh yeah!" I playfully slapped his arm. "About that, what exactly did you say to him?" I placed my hands on my hips, shaking my head.

"You make it sound like I committed a crime!" he chuckled.

"Perhaps you did. You must have said something wrong, because he approves of you," I giggled.

He shrugged. "I merely asked for permission to court you," he smiled. Then he got down on one knee, which made my eyes widen and jaw drop in shock. "And if this course of courtship were to go well, I also asked for your hand in marriage."

"What!" I squeaked in the un-queenliest manner, taking a step back, but Caspian held onto my hands, not letting me go. "You and your proper princely manners," I muttered under my breath.

"What say you, my queen? Shall we embark in this adventure called marriage?" his smiled grew wider, as if he already knew what my answer would be.

"Uh!" I let out an exasperated sigh, "You presume too much!" I tugged my hands out of his, not quite able to hide the amusement in my voice.

"It runs in our blood," he got up and stood near me, taking a hand and caressing my face. I leaned into his touch, loving the way he held me. "What say you, my queen?" he repeated, drawing me closer.

"Me thinks," I breathed, inhaling his scent, pinning it to my memory for all eternity. "I agree, my king."

His lips gently rested on mine as he pulled me toward him. My arms wrapped around his shoulders as I breathed in deeply, his very essence and being mingling with my senses. He tightened his hold around my waist, lifting me off the ground and slowly twirling me around in triumphant thrill.

Sun-shines and star-shines later, all of New Narnia were gathered at the Dancing Lawn. Each monarch had their crowns and coronets, each circlet glowing with golden radiance as Aslan walked among the kings and queens. All were assembled in a semi-circle, with Aslan at the head.

First went Lucy, crowned once again as The Valiant, Queen of the Eastern Sea.

Then went Edmund, crowned once again as The Just, King of the Western Wood.

Then went Peter, crowned once again as The Magnificent, King of the Northern Sky.

Then it was our turn, walking barefoot, side by side. We approached Aslan then knelt on our knees before him.

"The Gentle, Queen of the Southern Sun. The Navigator, first King of Telmarines and Narnians," Aslan announced.

Then Mr. Tumnus placed the crowns on our heads. Aslan said the solemn, ceremonial words of matrimony, us answering in unison when asked to confirm to uphold our bond to one another. We then faced the assembly, cheers and well-wishers showering us with flower petals.

"Orieus," I stopped in front of him. He bent down and bowed to me. I rose on my toes and embraced him. "Thank you," I whispered in his ear. I let go and he nodded, smiling at me. Then he extended his hand to Caspian, and both clasped arms in camaraderie.

Then we came to Aurohraies, who stood next to Rillian. Caspian kissed her hand. She placed a kiss on his cheek. Then she turned to me and embraced me. "Continue to watch the stars," she whispered. Then she pulled away.

"I will," I bowed to her. I smiled at Rillian and he smiled back. I then turned to Caspian, intertwining my fingers through his. I heard giggles and laughter to my left. I turned and saw Lucy dancing with Mr. Tumnus, her smiling portraying the joy and love she had for the Faun. "It seems another wedding will soon be underway," I said, nodding toward the two.

"So it seems," agreed Caspian. Then he looked at me, "My queen, shall we dance to this grand celebration?" he led me toward the area where many had already started dancing to the tune of fiddles, flutes, and the unsteady giddy heart-like beat of the drums. Naiads, Fauns, Satyrs, Talking Beasts and even some Giants and Dwarves began dancing their own moves in the spacious Dancing Lawn. The Waking Trees shook above us, their branches and leaves casting a steady stream of green confetti-like leaves raining down on us while shading us from the afternoon sun.

"Absolutely," I laughed, allowing myself to sway and be carried away in my Caspian's arms.

My husband.

My king.

I looked around and saw Aslan laughing with the Narnians, his children, his family. He locked gazes with me and nodded. My smile widened, the warm sensation of safety and belonging spreading all over.

Yes.

I was queen once again.

I was home.

* * *

"_The land that is home to Aslan and to all creatures who recognize Aslan with joy. It is a range of incredibly high yet snow-free mountains, bathed in late-spring / midsummer warm breezes and freshness, alive with the sound of funning water, waterfalls, and birdsong against a background of immense silence, and covered with orchards of autumn-ripe fruit, forests of might trees, and flower-decked meadows. It is not connected with any created country, but every real country is connected with it, as peninsula to mainland. It lies beyond the edge and beyond the sun of every world and can be reached only by magic or through the door of a noble death. No one is any particular age there: All come into the full flower of their manhood or womanhood. It is also known as Aslan's Land and as Aslan's Mountain….The heart of each good culture survives because it is has always been a part of Aslan's country." – __Companion to Narnia_, P. F. Ford.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**__ Hello, everyone! Well, this is it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you SO MUCH for all who've visited, read, reviewed, and personally sent messages to me regarding this fan-fiction or even beyond. I'm so happy, even for just ONE review; it's a HUGE impact indeed. Love you guys!_

_I hope you guys will continue to read my other fan-fictions that are underway._

_Keep the faith,_

_God bless!_

_Sincerely, _

_Lady Saffron of Xybria_

_PS. "Aurohraies" is the name I gave for Ramandu's Daughter. It's from the word "Aurorae" with a few added letters to make it more "exotic." Finally she has a name! Of course, it's "Aurora" which means "dawn" or sunrise."_

_PPS. Background music: OST CoN: PC __The Call__ by Regina Spektor._

_Cheers!_


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